Anonymous wrote:My kids get toys very rarely. Our house is DEFINITELY not cluttered. There are no toys out in the living room unless they're actively being played with.

If the kids do not respond when they're watching a screen then the screen goes off and is taken away for the rest of that day and the next day. The kids must say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. They absolutely have chores

You seem to be spoiling your kids. They don't ACTUALLY need that many toys.

These were my thoughts when reading this post too.
And something about the tone reminded me of a different thread about a year or two ago, where the mom was having trouble getting her son out the door to daycare each morning. She would go in his room and make his stuffed animals dance to try and get him awake and then the son would take 15 minutes to decide what to eat for breakfast, etc. For some reason I really get the vibe this is the same OP.

Anyway, I would chill on the toys. I find people that describe their own home as "cluttered" really have a hoarding problem and are trying to downplay it.

Anonymous wrote:Does it seem that there have been more AI-generated posts lately or is it just me?

What is AI-generated?

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this and we are both from the US.

I see the toys and clutter issue as separate from the respect and appreciation issue. It's difficult to tell how much is too much but maybe you can box up some of the toys your son has outgrown and save them for your younger child but keep them in storage until they're needed.

I see the age-inappropriate demands for respect and appreciation from very young children as a much bigger problem. My DH has been like this since our kids were very young and he has never let up. Now that our son is a teen he expects the teen to have an adult level of understanding and appreciation for "everything we do" to give him a home. We are UMC, not struggling at all, but he expects our son to express effusive praise and appreciation every time we buy him a tee shirt or pack of socks. Saying thank you is not even close to enough. It's to the point where I try to avoid giving my son things in front of my DH because it will devolve into a huge argument about our son's lack of gratitude and respect. He regularly says if he had responded the way our son did on something his father would have "knocked him out of his chair". I am starting to worry that the anger and verbal abuse will cross over into physical abuse.

It may be worth going to parenting classes or counseling with your DH to have an expert explain age-appropriate expectations. I wish I had.

My mother was similar to your DH. For her, it was clearly tied to her ego. If she bought me something, even if I didn't like it, she wanted to hear "Oh my god, Mommy I LOVE it, You are SO awesome for having thought of me and gotten this for me! I love you so much, thank you so much!" and then I was to brag to everyone in the house one by one about what a great thing my mother got me. She told me I was awful for telling her I didn't like something she got me, and tried to say I don't know manners. I told her that i thought as my mother I should be able to tell HER if I didn't like a present. Especially because she always bought me things SHE'D have liked at my age, rather than things I actually liked.

Guess what? Any gift or card I gave her was always somehow wrong. Even as an adult. In our family we do "want lists" and if I bought her exactly what her list said it would still somehow be wrong. So I just stopped getting her anything. Now all she gets is a text for her birthday and that's it.

Does it seem that there have been more AI-generated posts lately or is it just me?

Anonymous wrote:My kids get toys very rarely. Our house is DEFINITELY not cluttered. There are no toys out in the living room unless they're actively being played with.

If the kids do not respond when they're watching a screen then the screen goes off and is taken away for the rest of that day and the next day. The kids must say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. They absolutely have chores

You seem to be spoiling your kids. They don't ACTUALLY need that many toys.

This.

Anonymous wrote:I came to the state at 18 years old, and DH is from here. We have 2 kids, one toddler & one 5 years old, different gender.

I buy kids clothing, toys & books throughout the year. I buy more when there are sales or I see something that I find good for kid learning or kids outgrow clothing. Most of them are educational toys & books to promote learning & reading.Our house has many toy organizer bin, buckets & cube organizers.I would say our house is a bit cluttered. I buy everything with my credit card.

This is modern age, I don’t understand his demand of “appreciate” & “respect” to parents from a 5 years old. He is an okay boy, a bit naughty, likes to tease sometimes. I don’t remember I understand the concept of appreciate or respect parents at that young age, but I am always a well behaved daughter growing up. I did not have to do any housework or cooking, and all I needed to do was to study well. What is wrong that I enjoy taking care & providing for him because I am his parent? I think he wants our son to appreciate things (clothing, toys, books) he gets from us, and recognize & respect him as a parent that provide him house & food. To me, it is like he wants a reward/achievement certificate for being a parent.

Your 5 year old should not be running the family, and yes he should be respecting parents. Taking on the attitude that this is no longer needed because it's "the modern age" is part of how we've gotten into this mess as a society today.

My kids get toys very rarely. Our house is DEFINITELY not cluttered. There are no toys out in the living room unless they're actively being played with.

If the kids do not respond when they're watching a screen then the screen goes off and is taken away for the rest of that day and the next day. The kids must say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. They absolutely have chores

You seem to be spoiling your kids. They don't ACTUALLY need that many toys.

My DH is like this and we are both from the US.

I see the toys and clutter issue as separate from the respect and appreciation issue. It's difficult to tell how much is too much but maybe you can box up some of the toys your son has outgrown and save them for your younger child but keep them in storage until they're needed.

I see the age-inappropriate demands for respect and appreciation from very young children as a much bigger problem. My DH has been like this since our kids were very young and he has never let up. Now that our son is a teen he expects the teen to have an adult level of understanding and appreciation for "everything we do" to give him a home. We are UMC, not struggling at all, but he expects our son to express effusive praise and appreciation every time we buy him a tee shirt or pack of socks. Saying thank you is not even close to enough. It's to the point where I try to avoid giving my son things in front of my DH because it will devolve into a huge argument about our son's lack of gratitude and respect. He regularly says if he had responded the way our son did on something his father would have "knocked him out of his chair". I am starting to worry that the anger and verbal abuse will cross over into physical abuse.

It may be worth going to parenting classes or counseling with your DH to have an expert explain age-appropriate expectations. I wish I had.

OP, I am also from another country (came here when I was 25y) and husband was born and raised here. I am the one who buys kids clothes and toys as well (tons) but thankfully my husband is not bothered by that. With DL, I have also been buying A TON of school related stuff, including books - he just jokes that I should start a school.

THAT SAID, he also keeps saying the children (girls) do not respect him and do not listen to him. In honesty, it is true (specially the 10y old) - but it is his fault. He is the type of father that when our oldest was 3, 4 (for example) and would not listen, he would threaten her with "If you don't do x now, I will throw away all your princess dolls in the trash!" - he NEVER followed through.

Or (another example): "If you don't do y, I will cut your internet forever!"

Well, what does he expect when he threatens the child with these absurd things that no sane person would actually do (for trivial, day to day stuff)? I got him books, I talked to him and he even attended a parenting class, but no dice - he is too reactive and get emotional I guess when he says these type of stuff.

He complains they don't listen and are disrespectful because *I* don't back him up... well, of course not! What does he expect, that he threatens and I am going to be the one enforcing these draconian punishments?? That I am going to be the one getting my child's beloved dolls and throw them into the trash? No way! If he is so keen on doing these type of things, he can do it himself.

Anonymous wrote:Agree that having toys and respect are two different things. But, you both need to get on the same page. You can't buy so much that you make your family's home miserable for your husband. But, kids do like toys - not sure about need.

Personally, I don't see any issue with kids of all ages doing chores. In our house, everyone participates in running of the house and your level of participation depends on your age. I mean, I wouldn't expect 2 and 5 year olds to scrub the toilet, but I would expect mine to bring in groceries from the car after we shop.

As to eating, people deal with that in different ways. I don't see declining food as disrespect and I was never a food pusher. I can see how that could get to a battle of the wills and devolve. I also don't see not wanting a parent as disrespect - kids do have preferences. But, I can see how hurt feelings could arise.

Also, I was brought up with no toys or gifts except on holidays and I do not ascribe to that sentiment. But, I do think that not answering when your parent is talking to you is absolutely disrespectful even if you are busy watching YouTube. It's disrespectful when adults do it too. And, you really do want your kids to appreciate what you give them. You cannot imagine what it is like to have an entitled tween and teen. What you instill now will carryover to how they behave when they are older.

Overall, a theme that I felt from your post is that you do things your way and don't include your husband. It's your money so you can make his environment miserable for him. That's not really fair. I would bet that some of these issue that you are describing would not be such problems if you included him as your partner and co-parent.

This. If your house is cluttered and it bothers your husband, you need to figure out how to de-clutter it. And probably your kid does NOT need so many toys -- you might want your kid to have those things, but they are not necessary. And it doesn't matter what your friends do, it matters what the two of you agree on. So it's probably the case that you need to stop buying so much stuff. You're setting expectations about material stuff that you might regret as the kid gets older. It's true that kids are rarely as appreciative and grateful as parents think they should be, because whatever they have just seems normal to them -- so you want to make sure that you set "normal" at a reasonable place.

And you guys need to agree about basic behavior. It IS rude and disrespectful to ignore your parent when they speak to you. (Also, your comment that your kid ignores Dad when he's watching YouTube, and then your claim that a house filled with toys is better than watching TV, seem to contradict each other.) Your five-year-old CAN and SHOULD be doing at least one or two age-appropriate chores -- little kids can help take out trash, set and clear the table for meals, pick up their own toys, etc.

And OMG you should not be talking about taking a bite of food for 10-15 minutes. That sounds awful. You set the rule, and you set the consequence, and then you enforce it. You don't spend forever lecturing a little kid. It's a giant waste of time.

Agree that having toys and respect are two different things. But, you both need to get on the same page. You can't buy so much that you make your family's home miserable for your husband. But, kids do like toys - not sure about need.

Personally, I don't see any issue with kids of all ages doing chores. In our house, everyone participates in running of the house and your level of participation depends on your age. I mean, I wouldn't expect 2 and 5 year olds to scrub the toilet, but I would expect mine to bring in groceries from the car after we shop.

As to eating, people deal with that in different ways. I don't see declining food as disrespect and I was never a food pusher. I can see how that could get to a battle of the wills and devolve. I also don't see not wanting a parent as disrespect - kids do have preferences. But, I can see how hurt feelings could arise.

Also, I was brought up with no toys or gifts except on holidays and I do not ascribe to that sentiment. But, I do think that not answering when your parent is talking to you is absolutely disrespectful even if you are busy watching YouTube. It's disrespectful when adults do it too. And, you really do want your kids to appreciate what you give them. You cannot imagine what it is like to have an entitled tween and teen. What you instill now will carryover to how they behave when they are older.

Overall, a theme that I felt from your post is that you do things your way and don't include your husband. It's your money so you can make his environment miserable for him. That's not really fair. I would bet that some of these issue that you are describing would not be such problems if you included him as your partner and co-parent.

Wow. Sounds like your husband has unreasonable expectations for a 5 year old. He also doesn't sound like he even likes having them around which is sad. I would enlist the help of a therapist to help you both come to terms on how to parent together. Do it now before his attitude gets any worse.

Having toys and bring respectful are 2 separate issues and are not related to each other. I think if he appreciates what he had and plays with it it’s fine. Being polite and respectful is a consistency thing that you both need to establish. With food, my kid has to eat her age in bites to get dessert and whatever fruit or veg is on the plate. This rule doesn’t change. So there’s no 5 minute discussion before a bite..... she k owe the deal and if she doesn’t want to eat that’s her choice. I think you and DH need to come to
An agreement on reasonable expectations.

I came to the state at 18 years old, and DH is from here. We have 2 kids, one toddler & one 5 years old, different gender.

I buy kids clothing, toys & books throughout the year. I buy more when there are sales or I see something that I find good for kid learning or kids outgrow clothing. Most of them are educational toys & books to promote learning & reading.Our house has many toy organizer bin, buckets & cube organizers.I would say our house is a bit cluttered. I buy everything with my credit card.

DH keeps saying that 5 year old does not “appreciate “or “respect“ him, and he keeps saying that he can’t wait the day to throw all kid things in the dumpster. He says that he misses the day that there are no kid cluttered things in the house. When 5 year old is watching YouTube and does not respond to his request/question, that is called disrespect. When 5 year old always wants mommy or himself better than or winning daddy in everything, that is called disrespect. When 5 year old insists & does not want to try a bite of food after a long parent talk for 10-15 minutes, that is called not appreciated & disrespect. He says that growing up, he needs to do chores or study with good grades to get toys, except on holiday. He says that kids need to learn to listen to parents, and appreciate all things that we provide for him. I hate it whenever he says that he wants to throw all kids things that I purchase with my money into trash can. We have a toddler that can play with all these toys, and they are all in good condition. I think reading books & playing toys are better than put them in front of tv on weekends. We stay home weekend these days. Our mutual friend house have a bunch of toys & books, no different from us, as well. How is your house look like?

This is modern age, I don’t understand his demand of “appreciate” & “respect” to parents from a 5 years old. He is an okay boy, a bit naughty, likes to tease sometimes. I don’t remember I understand the concept of appreciate or respect parents at that young age, but I am always a well behaved daughter growing up. I did not have to do any housework or cooking, and all I needed to do was to study well. What is wrong that I enjoy taking care & providing for him because I am his parent? I think he wants our son to appreciate things (clothing, toys, books) he gets from us, and recognize & respect him as a parent that provide him house & food. To me, it is like he wants a reward/achievement certificate for being a parent. Does your kid appreciate or respect you as parent at that age?