Reply to I have zero patience for my moms forgetfulness

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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve posted here before about my moms 20+ year prescription drug use, and how growing up she was beyond abusive. Due to her mental heath issues, and drug use she’s had strokes and many other health problems. My dad comes to visit once a month and of course has to bring her because she cannot/will not  care For herself. Today she was getting furious at me because she kept asking me if the kids were in the basement(they were in bed) and we do not have a basement. Then she repeatedly asked me if I was working(doesn’t understand the work from home thing) and couldn’t remember what I did for a living. (I’ve been a teacher for 10 years.) She also caused my 4yr old to have a meltdown because my mom asked her to throw a styrofoam cup for  in the sink and when my DD told her those go in the trash, she screamed at her to never correct a grown up.

I don’t know whether the forgetfulness is because of her strokes, dementia, drugs, mental illness, or her inability to listen to anyone when they speak(she’s never been able to hold a back and forth conversation) but I do not have patience for it. I realize I should be more sympathetic, but no matter how hard I try, it infuriates me when she yells at all of us for not understanding her nonsense and often rude/mean questions and comments. I know some of it at this point is out of her control, but it was no better when I was 8. I couldn’t have play dates because she would fall on them, spill stuff on them, talk crazy and even become explosive.

I can’t cut my dad out of my life, I love him so much, and my kids adore him. However he would never be able to come without her, she would become even more abusive to him than she already she is. I have done years of therapy and I no longer expect her to ever be able admit and wrongdoing or her to be a better mom. Yet, I still can not find it in me to be understanding or patient of her behavior and forgetfulness. I realized this makes me sound heartless...I just can’t forgive her. [/quote]

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