Reply to Suggestions re Spouse over-eating / stress eating

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - Thank you all. I really appreciate it. I agree, this is trauma related. And I feel so much for him.

Honestly, I don’t think he has the bandwidth or inclination to address it fully now... or possibly ever. This is hard stuff.

Is it worth talking to him about it at all? Let him know I love him and am concerned about what I am seeing? Thoughts?

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I would start by asking him about the “food all over his hands and face” when your daughter is not present — if you feel you can do it with gentle 
curiosity and if this is genuinely as unusual as you’re describing it — vs say, messily eating messy types of food.  Not knowing your husband, my take would probably be to comment on how fast he’s eating — and wonder if eating slower and more mindfully could make it more enjoyable for him. I would wonder  if he needs to hear and see that there’s plenty — enough to eat as much as he wants.

I recently did a 21 day series of meditations by Jon Gabriel (who lost over 200 lbs himself). One of the things that resonated with me was hearing him say: “You’re safe. You’re safe. It’s safe for you to lose weight.”  Fat can be protective. Eating frantically can feel like a survival skill — if his history includes the experience of not getting “enough” of all kinds of care and nurturing. As others have said, some of this is professional level stuff. But if he’s gone from eating normally to what you’re describing during your relationship, I think it would be a loving thing to ask him what might have changed for him.

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