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[quote=Anonymous]DD is 5 and we also have a young baby.  DH and I work from home and keep to our rooms (home office & bedroom) when nanny is here so we don't get in each other's way.  Now that we're home together for extended periods of time, I can hear nanny and DD's interactions.  DD is often rude and won't listen to what nanny asks of her.  DD will also sometimes run into my or DH's room when she wants to get out of doing something.  Each time, I tell DD that when nanny is here, she needs to stay with and listen to nanny and get her to go back to nanny.

Example: yesterday, I could hear nanny tell DD to put on shorts after her bath.  DD said no, nanny said yes, then DD ran to my room.  I told DD listen to nanny and DD walked out upon which I heard nanny tell DD again to wear shorts.  Fifteen minutes later, I walk out and DD is still shortless.  As in past situations, I told nanny yesterday that DD needs to listen to HER and not to expect me to step in to get DD to obey.  That if I'm quiet, don't take it as a cue that I'm okay with what DD is doing, but rather, it's because I defer to nanny's authority over the situation.  Nanny seemed to agree with what I said, but ultimately, uncertain what to do.

I know having everyone at home together is a trying situation, BUT it is just exacerbating and not the root cause of DD's rudeness and nanny's inability to enforce discipline as it was a concern for me even before covid.  Big factor is nanny's style; when DD acts up or disobeys, nanny's approach is in large part to redirect and distract DD.  This was fine when DD was 2, but I personally don't think it's enough for a 5 year old.  I'll also mention that while nanny had a lot of childcare experience as a daycare teacher prior to coming to us, we are her first nanny job.  Generally speaking, little kids are much more obedient with their teachers in a school setting than they are with their nanny and she seems to not know how to deal with DD's persistent disobedience.

Any advice on what I should say/do to help nanny?  I hate micromanaging and have told nanny that it is up to her how to enforce discipline (e.g., time outs, taking away privileges), but she seems lost and has not been.  The other day, nanny told DD to stop playing with the iPad (no screentime while nanny is here).  DD just ignored her.  DH and I were both NOT involved, I could hear this in the hall outside my closed door.  I let this go for a few minutes to allow nanny to handle the situation, but she wasn't doing anything.  DD was in another room when I quietly said to nanny, "you know she's not allowed to use the iPad."  And nanny responded very exasperatedly, "yeah, I know!" and nothing else, as though it was out of her hands.  I then said "tell her again she's not allowed and if she doesn't listen, take the iPad away."  I can't, or rather don't want to, instruct nanny each and every time something comes up.  I have work to do and this is part of her job.  Advice??

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