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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "For those with DH that sucked at baby/toddler age..."
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[quote=Anonymous]I haven't had this experience OP - but I've seen many posts like this before and seen some encouraging posts from others, searching the archives if you haven't already might lead you to some helpful things. I'm sorry you're going through this though - it sounds frustrating. From what I've read and seen in friends, I definitely don't think it's uncommon for some parents to engage far more in the older stages than others though it's not for sure of course. I think the toddler stage can be especially hard on Dads as we just don't give men much exposure with young babies/toddlers throughout their lives. Since it has gotten frustrating to the point of considering if you'd be better off separated, have you considered talking to a therapist together? Sometimes it can really help to illuminate the other person's perspective in a less threatening way so he can hear you without it feeling "controlling." And I would gently say, that your feelings around thinking you could be a better mom without DH in the picture may be a little idealistic. Remember that he will always be in the picture no matter what, if you are divorced it is far and away most likely that he will get 50/50 custody even though he is far less involved now. it's the way it usually happens now because it is in the best interest of the child and due to child support issues. If your marriage is generally okay outside of this issue, this sounds like a lot of heartache to put all of you through to address this one issue. You would be away from your daughter half the time which is extremely difficult (especially because you likely won't be thrilled with the care your then ex-husband will provide during that time). And this is not to mention that while divorce is sometimes certainly the right answer, there is just no denying that is it irreparably impactful on kids view of the world, sense of safety, and just incredibly difficult on them. I don't mean to imply that you are taking those things lightly, but I would just make as many attempts as possible to make this work since you described him as a generally supportive partner. The transitions between homes is very hard on kids, though in a high conflict marriage sometimes genuinely what is best - I don't mean to make anyone feel bad on that end, but it's just a reality and I think you have to fully look at the impact on your child vs the current impact of a sometimes distracted dad. Your happiness is important too of course. blerg its complicated huh?[/quote]
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