Reply to Is it bad to tell your kid they are annoying?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I tend to say “you’re [i]being[/i] annoying” or “[i]that’s[/i] annoying” rather than “you’re annoying”. Small distinctions, and still probably not ideal, but I don’t think it’s so bad for kids to be made aware when their behavior is having a negative effect on others.[/quote]
I don't think kids can make that distinction.  I think even adults have a hard time with it.

In my opinion, words from parents can be so powerful to a kid's psyche that it's best not to do this, even when the kid's behavior warrants it. I remember my mom saying "I don't like you right now." and how hurtful it was. I can't remember what I was doing and I'm sure I was being a total PITA and completely unlikeable, but my thought was - "Even my own mom doesn't like me. Nobody likes me." I remember it 35 years later.

In OP's situation, it's not helpful or necessary to the conversation.  Just ask him to stop backseat driving or whatever the annoying behavior is.[/quote]
Eh, I don’t know. Not to diminish your personal experience—I completely agree that parents’ words can have long-lasting effects, I just don’t always think we can know as parents which words will actually resonate. And in an attempt to say everything “the right way”, we miss an opportunity to instill pretty basic social skills in our kids. In this case, telling the kid to stop the annoying behavior without actually telling him why he should stop (because it’s annoying) is not helping the kid figure out situations where he is being annoying to other people.[/quote]

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