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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't take her. Let this be an opportunity for her and your DH to bond. She will be fine!! I promise![/quote]

I hope so.  DH rarely spends time with DD one on one (again, a whole other story) and NEVER does bedtime.  He also can have a bad attitude and lack of patience when it comes to taking care of DD.  It's mostly expressed to me, but I worry that spending several hours with her one on one when he's not used to it will drive him to the hilt.[/quote]

Patience with children and being able to bond with them takes practice and time. I think a lot of mothers fall into this habit of protecting kids and dads from each other in a weird way. Like shielding the kids from dad's irritation and shielding dad from their irritating behavior in order to keep the peace.

But part of growing up and having relationships with the people in your family and with all the other people you meet along the way is learning if your behavior annoys people and working through that, and also learning if you're overreacting to something and figuring out how to manage that.

Think of it like parents that let their college kids move home for 10 years and never make them uncomfortable by forcing them to get a job or pay rent. You're not helping the kid by doing that. If you never force DH and DD to figure out how to interact with each other by always being there to referee, you aren't helping either of them. They'll never learn because they don't have to. In the long run it's depriving them of a more intimate relationship with one another, even if it is easier in the short run.[/quote]

To you and PP 13:57.  Believe me, I don't want to always be there with DD & DH!  DH used to help with bathtime and other childcare duties, but because he would complain about it so much, I just let him off the hook one by one duty.  He also used to spend one on one time with DD, but because I asked him to and not because he values it.  His work got busy on the weekends, he stopped one on one time and never started again.  DD had a much better bond with DH back then and it bothers me that DH doesn't recognize this nor want to start it up again.  Nanny and DD do have a great bond for which I'm very grateful, but DD, like a lot of kids, differentiates between nanny (no matter how much she loves her) and her parents.

Having said that, I do think it's good for DD and DH to spend one on one time together, albeit forced on him.  Maybe he'll see it's not so bad and start it up again (I say hopefully yet skeptically).[/quote]

So I'm not trying to be harsh or anything but it sounds like you're doing exactly what I said. Protecting DD and DH from each other. Or perhaps protecting yourself from having to listen to DH complain.

But instead of hearing him complain and taking it up with him to adjust his behavior, you just started to let him off the hook and take them on yourself. So he has learned that if he doesn't like something about child rearing and whines you will just do it. And DD has learned that DH has the option (and is exercising it) to just have a less close relationship with her.

In the short term it will be harder to get on DH and force him to take those duties back on. But in the long run, better for EVERYONE.

I hope you enjoy your trip! And if DH and DD are completely miserable and complain the whole time you're gone I would argue that is evidence that you need to do it MORE frequently not less. [/quote]

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