Reply to Tired of adoptive mom's financial incest

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[quote=Anonymous]I live in the US and my adoptive mom who is overseas hits me up for money now and then. The amounts have been pretty small- $20, $50 every other month etc. To be honest, the sporadic financial support has never really bothered me coming from a culture where adult children are expected to support their parents. I was physically coerced to start working part-time jobs at 16 just to make money to pay the family bills and even when as a kid, all of my bursary monies would go to paying the arrears on rent, electricity. My mom used to work physically demanding jobs in cleaning and factories but she stopped as her mobility (and mental health) issues increased and she became a professional patient at our local hospitals.

Once, she did come into money after an ugly divorce battle with an ex-husband but she just went crazy spending it: on exercise equipment and furniture we never even got into our apartment, thrift stores, 'loaning' it to so-called friends who never paid her back..and it all dissipated in a year. It was one of those classic "I never thought it would run out but it did". I say financial incest because she would harangue me to call up the companies and beg them to give her back the deposits she paid, which were of course non-refundable. Whenever the bills arrived, she would pass them on to me to open them. I have so many examples but the gist is that she doesn't consider it inappropriate to ask me for money because well, "OP, you owe me everything".

The latest story- she had pawned some large pieces of gold jewelry that her current husband bought for her when they married over a decade ago and now she's asking me for $100 to help repay the loan just to keep it going. I've told her it's not my problem and her response was "Oh, so you don't want to help? The jewelry's for you. If I could have taken it out when you were here last, I would have given it to you". Inside, I'm laughing because the reality is that she's had this pawn loan for forever and short of me giving her a couple thousand to take out some gaudy gold items, this saga isn't going to end and guess what, she'll still be flat out broke and calling me up for money. Her current husband isn't working now because he broke his leg in a recent accident but she's only concerned about being burdened by him when he gets out of the hospital. She tells me she will start working to pay off the rest of the loan because then 'I can save money' even though she's been saying that since I was a teen! This is a woman who would raid my own piggy bank when I was a kid and has never had the ability to save.

WWYD in my situation? I already told her not to be dependent on me in case I could die tomorrow and she gets upset ("Don't talk about dying; I don't know if I will die tomorrrow"). I resent being made to pay for her poor decisions but it's the underlying "if you help me, you're all good but if you don't, you're evil, selfish etc." effed-up mentality that irks me the most. [/quote]

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