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[quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry, OP.

I would sit the boys down and explain what it's like to be the parent in charge and what it's like to have the mental burden of scheduling appointments, managing pick-up/drop-off, thinking about meals and laundry and clean-up all the time, for three people. That you are the real parent right now, and that all you want is a little respect of your time and effort. You are perfectly happy for your children to have fun with their father. Reiterate that multiple times. But you don't want to feel like the maid, and to have last-minute demands on your time. It makes you feel disrespected and less important than the others, which is not fair and not acceptable.

So you need to tell your boys to respect you, and to never expect fun time off when it hasn't been scheduled already. They can ask, you can say yes if it works for you, but if it doesn't, they have to accept it and move on.

I am not divorced but my husband has severe ADHD he refuses to treat and often acts like a selfish bachelor. I have explained the outline above many times to my children since they were little. They know who the real parent is in this family, and they have a lot more trust and respect for me than for him.

If you've shielded your boys from all the conflict, and they are attracted by shiny new things, it might take them a while, but at some point they'll understand all this.
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