Reply to Asking husband if he’s happy in marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been down this path and it was less helpful than you would think. Someone who checks out and mopes a lot but doesn't talk to you about what's going on, get into therapy, or suggest couples therapy is also likely to someone who is not super self-aware or interested in working on your relationship. Opening the 'why is my husband unhappy' box meant getting to hear all sorts of crazy, terrible stuff about myself and our marriage, some of which contradicted each other day to day. My suggestions for how to fix things were shot down, because this wasn't actually someone who was interested in fixing things, otherwise...he already would have been trying to fix things. I hope it goes better for you. But if it doesn't, I hope you more quickly get from "I am responsible for my husband's emotional state" to "my husband is the only person who can help himself, and there's only so much unpleasantness I will willingly subject myself to." [/quote]

That is an interesting perspective. I agree you can't be responsible for another person's emotional state although there is often advice on here to husbands about what they should do to keep their wives happy, manage their wife's stress level etc. However I wouldn't go so far as to say that only the person can help themselves. Marriage is a dynamic and it means both people are involved in the dynamic and in the patterns of how they relate, act, and react to each other. It is okay to have expectations of your spouse and to need things from your spouse. Both men and women.[/quote]

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