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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?[/quote]

Same here, told they were the best +
Non emotional, zero empathy parents (basically told kids to suck it up, emotions are weakness) +
Strong book smarts +
Poor communication skills about self/great lecturer at work +
Hyperfocus on only one thing ever +
Never takes responsibility/ always has an excuse when messes up[/quote]

This describes my narc/sociopath ex to a T. And years before we divorced, one of my in-laws (married into the ex's family) called ex a sociopath. That person saw it way before I did. Ex's parents absolutely raised my ex exactly as described above: ex was the golden child, but parents were also emotionally distant/cold/closed off/no empathy. My ex has siblings, and they all have varying degrees of disorder, but ex is by far the WORST. Growing up ex was the first born golden child, another sibling was the scapegoat/black sheep, another was the "baby" who basically flew under the radar for the most part and didn't want rock the boat, etc. But what is even more effed up is that when they grew up, their "roles" were switched around depending on how loyal the parents felt they were being to the family. It was like the golden child was/is a different sibling yearly. Personality disorders galore (with extensive dysfunction obviously going back to grandparents generation as well). I am so glad I got away from that family, but what is truly horrible is that I have to "co-parent" (i.e. parallel parent) with my ex. My #1 concern is my children. I've been seeing a therapist to help me heal from the years of emotional, psychological, and financial abuse, as well as keep my boundaries firm with my ex. And I've been doing A LOT of research and reading about how to raise emotional healthy well-adjusted non-disordered children when your ex-spouse has a personality disorder.

My ex did truly horrendous things, without guilt or remorse (and still does horrible things). Ex's family is WELL aware of a lot of what ex did, but they did nothing and just circled the wagons. It pains me to no end that this is half of my children's family. 
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