Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Same here, told they were the best +
Non emotional, zero empathy parents (basically told kids to suck it up, emotions are weakness) +
Strong book smarts +
Poor communication skills about self/great lecturer at work +
Hyperfocus on only one thing ever +
Never takes responsibility/ always has an excuse when messes up

Exact same for the one I know. His mom even had a painting of him right when you open the door to their house — but no painting of his sister.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree on some level with the idea that it is caused by neglect AND indulgence. My experience is that narcissistic individuals have extremely low self esteem and deep shame regarding some aspect of their life (which may or may not be from abuse and/ related to a parent). They experience an extreme emotional response to criticism or comments they interpret as judgement. As a coping mechanism, they blame others for any kind of conflict or negative emotion. They lack communication skills and empathy that allow them to view a situation through someone else perspective. They have never learned how to regulate negative emotions so they view the world through a victim mentality.

This sounds adhd induced then... or 2E never treated. (Ie brilliant plus learning disabled)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Same here, told they were the best +
Non emotional, zero empathy parents (basically told kids to suck it up, emotions are weakness) +
Strong book smarts +
Poor communication skills about self/great lecturer at work +
Hyperfocus on only one thing ever +
Never takes responsibility/ always has an excuse when messes up

This describes my narc/sociopath ex to a T. And years before we divorced, one of my in-laws (married into the ex's family) called ex a sociopath. That person saw it way before I did. Ex's parents absolutely raised my ex exactly as described above: ex was the golden child, but parents were also emotionally distant/cold/closed off/no empathy. My ex has siblings, and they all have varying degrees of disorder, but ex is by far the WORST. Growing up ex was the first born golden child, another sibling was the scapegoat/black sheep, another was the "baby" who basically flew under the radar for the most part and didn't want rock the boat, etc. But what is even more effed up is that when they grew up, their "roles" were switched around depending on how loyal the parents felt they were being to the family. It was like the golden child was/is a different sibling yearly. Personality disorders galore (with extensive dysfunction obviously going back to grandparents generation as well). I am so glad I got away from that family, but what is truly horrible is that I have to "co-parent" (i.e. parallel parent) with my ex. My #1 concern is my children. I've been seeing a therapist to help me heal from the years of emotional, psychological, and financial abuse, as well as keep my boundaries firm with my ex. And I've been doing A LOT of research and reading about how to raise emotional healthy well-adjusted non-disordered children when your ex-spouse has a personality disorder.

My ex did truly horrendous things, without guilt or remorse (and still does horrible things). Ex's family is WELL aware of a lot of what ex did, but they did nothing and just circled the wagons. It pains me to no end that this is half of my children's family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Same here, told they were the best +
Non emotional, zero empathy parents (basically told kids to suck it up, emotions are weakness) +
Strong book smarts +
Poor communication skills about self/great lecturer at work +
Hyperfocus on only one thing ever +
Never takes responsibility/ always has an excuse when messes up

Narcissists are created by being told they're the best while simultaneously being neglected. It's the mindf*ck of both worship and rejection that turns them into a self absorbed insecure person.

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

It’s not trauma in the traditional sense, but it does damage the individual because they’re unable to deal with a reality where they aren’t the best. My mother and sister are both narcissists, but their paths to it were different. My grandmother was a cold bitch who hated my mother and my mother’s children. On the other hand, my mother fawns over my sister and her children. Growing up, my mother constantly told my sister that she was amazing. Every time she had problems at work or was fired, my mother consoled her by saying that people were jealous of her. Different paths but the same outcome. Both of them are unable to cope with life. They see everyone as the enemy and they’re unhappy with how their lives have turned out. I think that any abnormal parenting style is likely going to create a narcissist or some other kind of disorder.

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Hmmm, my mother was the opposite. She is a narcissist and here is how I've pieced together her childhood:

-father molested her when she was a young girl
-mother married 3xs and had a revolving door of men around, run of thr mill slut
-her mother was beautiful and obsessed over her looks. She also placed value on beauty
-her mother was horribly physically and emotionally abusive, very much a Joan Crawford type
-her mother used guilt and weaponized love

My own mom never ever learned how to have a functional relationship, never learned to love, and took up many of these personality traits, though to a much lesser extreme.

She was in no way told she was better than anyone, quite the opposite. She was told she was shit. She had many rules, very petty rules with extreme consequences for violating the rules in the form of beatings and humiliation.

I think narcissists deep down are so so so so insecure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Same here, told they were the best +
Non emotional, zero empathy parents (basically told kids to suck it up, emotions are weakness) +
Strong book smarts +
Poor communication skills about self/great lecturer at work +
Hyperfocus on only one thing ever +
Never takes responsibility/ always has an excuse when messes up

Omg. That IS MY BIL AND HIS WIFE! completely nailed it. Their kids are a mess because both parents are so used to being the center of attention.

I disagree on some level with the idea that it is caused by neglect AND indulgence. My experience is that narcissistic individuals have extremely low self esteem and deep shame regarding some aspect of their life (which may or may not be from abuse and/ related to a parent). They experience an extreme emotional response to criticism or comments they interpret as judgement. As a coping mechanism, they blame others for any kind of conflict or negative emotion. They lack communication skills and empathy that allow them to view a situation through someone else perspective. They have never learned how to regulate negative emotions so they view the world through a victim mentality.

Anonymous wrote:What do you think?

https://hubpages.com/health/How-Narcissists-Are-Created

Spot on.
I've found, through personal experience, you either become a narcissist or anxious and depressed.

No trauma in the self centered narc I had to love with. Only his codependent sibling who sucked down all his parents time and money from age 0-40.

Anonymous wrote:The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Same here, told they were the best +
Non emotional, zero empathy parents (basically told kids to suck it up, emotions are weakness) +
Strong book smarts +
Poor communication skills about self/great lecturer at work +
Hyperfocus on only one thing ever +
Never takes responsibility/ always has an excuse when messes up

The narc I know became that way by being told repeatedly that she was better than everyone else and the rules didn’t apply to her because she was too pretty and too good. How is that trauma to anyone but those of us left to suffer the effects?

Kids who are being emotionally neglected and who aren’t being taught empathy for others are at risk for developing Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

It is extremely difficult to relate to the world successfully as an adult if the child is emotionally neglected or also overindulged in material objects rather than unconditional love and acceptance from their family.

Anonymous wrote:What do you think?

https://hubpages.com/health/How-Narcissists-Are-Created

Enjoyed reading the article especially

All kids are narcs but are guided away from it or not ...

They have been neglected and rejected by their parents and it creates a situation where they believe they are worthless and defective. That in turn creates a person who believes that everyone in the world is just out for themselves and therefore no one will look out for them if they don't.

What do you think?

https://hubpages.com/health/How-Narcissists-Are-Created