Reply to Muslim mother wants me to follow her to a prayers session but she can't take 'No' for an answer

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Reply to "Muslim mother wants me to follow her to a prayers session but she can't take 'No' for an answer"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Yes, I know I could turn up just to make her happy. But where does it end? I am already compromising by agreeing to accompany her to her hospital appointments just because she wants to show me off to her doctors (she actually said that she wants me to come to show that she isn't abandoned, which is what she says some of them think of her- it just sounds so shallow but I think it's more reasonable than attending some prayer session). I went with her to see her therapist today, and it was a carthatic experience for me articulating about our relationship to this stranger but it actually backfired because my mom accuses me of embarrassing her and divulging the fact that we had a bedbugs infestation brought on by her hoarding. I can't change my mom and I know that. But I hate her attempts to change me. I'm already conceding to some of her demands about dress (I once wore bermuda shorts to see my grandma in a home, and she berated me over it even though my grandma had dementia and didn't even remember my name). Yes, I guess this does belong in Family Relationships. How do I get it changed?[/quote]

Therapy can help, OP. You need to 1) accept that she will never change and 2) once you have accepted that, you need to figure out what boundaries you need to keep yourself sane. Maybe you don't  go visit her for more than 4 days. Or maybe you don't visit at all but call on the phone weekly or monthly. This is where a therapist can help you navigate how to change your life so she is less of a force in it.[/quote]

I have seen a therapist in the past and I think my boundaries are appropriate. I'm not staying with her. I'm staying at a hotel and Airbnb. I already know the dates and times I'm seeing her and that's it. My grandmother has since passed so there's one less reason for guilting as awful as that sounds. I think therapy is great but I also didn't continue because thinking of all the hurt and history was also not healthy for me as I was building a new life in the US. Even my mom's therapist says I've done really well in spite of all the circumstances and that acknowledgement brought out so much tears from me. [/quote]

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