Reply to ISO movies/books etc about not putting your boyfriend first/ahead of other responsibilities

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[quote=Anonymous]Long story short:

Wife had affair. Divorce contentious. Older kid discovered affair, disowned mother. Younger kid doesn't know about it. Wife has decided to try to be younger kid's "friend" more than parent and has become the more permissive parent (i.e., the parent younger kid seeks out when she wants permission for something and she's afraid I'll say no). It's not a good dynamic. Wife was always a pushover anyway and kids know she wouldn't hold her ground on things and would always prefer to lecture rather than simply mete out a consequence, whereas I'm more likely to just punish and move on. (i.e., kid breaks curfew. My solution: You're grounded the rest of the weekend. Wife's solution: Lengthy lecture about how that's dangerous. Kid gets caught going into the woods with other kids, including boyfriend, who drop marijuana and run when approached by the cops. My solution: No phone, social life for a month, drug testing, tell kid she should break up with boyfriend who literally left her holding the bag and sitting in the back of a cop car. Wife's solution: Lengthy lecture about she'd better have learned her lesson from sitting in a cop car).

So, the latest thing is younger DD (14) seems to be putting this boyfriend before everything. Her grades have dropped (due to lack of effort, according to teachers) and she is concocting reasons to go to her BF's house after school (or her friend's house, who lives three blocks from BF). Yesterday it was "I missed the bus" -- and she called wife, who of course said, yes, go. Didn't tell me so I had no idea where she was when she didn't come home (I work at home). Well, I had *some* idea. But...

Obviously, a lot to unpack here. The nastiness of the divorce makes communication about co-parenting difficult, and I will not go to see a therapist with the ex about this since she bald-faced lied to our therapist when we were in marriage counseling. But, I've made it pretty clear that it's time to get DD on some form of birth control since I sadly don't trust her judgment when it comes to things like having sex with the BF. But more to the point, I need some kind of show/book whatever to have DD watch where the theme is about NOT making a teenage boyfriend the center of your life to the point where you put him before other things, namely school. Because that, I'm afraid, is what's happening. Yes, I've had that conversation with her, but I get the eyeroll.

Any suggestions on that?

Also, if my wife won't cooperate with the birth control, how out of line would it be for ME to take her to the doctor about this? Let the doctor talk to her?

She tested clean on the 3-month drug test, btw. (The hair one).[/quote]

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