Reply to How did having a second child change your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Early days are tough. I had two under two for a while. There was  / is more tension because it's so much easier to feel like you're the one always doing dinner / bathtime / bedtime [insert any kid task]. I have a super supportive highly engaged husband and we often have to check ourselves before falling in the tit for tat conversation (but i did this yesterday, but I did that two days ago, etc. etc).

Here's what helps: laugh as much as you can, have spontaneous sex and make sure husband has food. Literally if I have sex and keep my husband fed, he will basically do anything I say. :) And sometimes that's really helpful because if you're a mom, you know moms end up with the mental load and so you just need someone to delegate to who will not push back and so so happily.

[/quote]

This is pretty much my exact experience. Kids are 19 months apart and it was a HARD transition for DH in the beginning. I remember vividly one night his parents were here visiting and DH just took off upstairs by himself. After awhile, I took DS1 up, bathed him and put him in his pajamas and brought him into our room to lie down while I took a shower and got ready for bed. About an hour after I came up and about 2 hours after DH disappeared upstairs, he asks me where the baby was. I told him he was down with his parents, right where he left us, and he got so upset with ME that I just left him with his parents "for that long" and I LOST it on him. That was a turning point for DH, I think he realized he needed to step up, that this was now man:man and we needed to communicate better. A tip I read once and I try to keep in mind, is to treat DH like a guest - tell him where I'm going in the house and what I'm doing. If I go upstairs to fold laundry, I tell him; if I go upstairs for a break to veg on my phone for a few minutes, I tell him - I don't just disappear. And I really try to have regular sex and remember DH's love language. [/quote]

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