Reply to anyone drop the rope with their spouse?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "anyone drop the rope with their spouse?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, logistically, your plan sounds fine as others have noted.  And it would be a relief to stop taking responsibility for what he does and doesn't do with the family - it's never fun to make yourself responsibility for someone else's life choices.  But you say "But I also feel like it'd make him not feel like a life partner at all - more a financial supporter who is nice to fun around periodically when he decides - and that's really sad for a marriage."

So if you're going to do it, I'd try really hard to think about this and see if you can re-frame it in your mind.  Can you see being a financial supporter as one way of being a good life partner?  Can you see him as an asset to the family when he does participate in family time and see it more as "when he's able" than "when he decides"?  (Able can relate to work obligations and to mental health constraints).  Can you pick a couple family responsibilities that would mean a lot to you/the kids and can you rely on him to come through for those few things - ie, kids' birthdays, your birthday/anniversary, one or more special holidays, etc.?  Maybe you can re-frame that in your mind as being a good life partner, even if it's not personally your ideal life partner.  Then it is less than ideal, perhaps disappointing, but not as sad? 
[/quote]

This is a great point and something I'll have to think about.  I really do struggle with getting my head around how someone can hardly see his kids during the week and then choose to lay in bed all sat morning vs being eager to get time with the kids.  We are so lucky, our kids are generally easy and the 2yo at least is fun and engaging  and DH enjoys himself when he joins in, it just feels so pathetic to have to try to sweet talk him into joining in his family when I want to scream "get your f'ing ass out of bed and act like a dad!"  I don't give him enough credit for the financial contribution he makes and I probably struggle to appreciate the toll that chronic anxiety / depression can take on his ability to engage and instead get annoyed he won't keep working on addressing it more.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics