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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mom from DE here.  Re the issue of being open - I just want to advocate for not trying to keep the secret.  I totally agree about telling your child, without shame but in celebration of how much your child was wanted.

Don't tell your child but tell the child he/she can't talk about it - that screams of shame and will diminish any message of love you attach to it.

[b]Deal with the family/friends who are going to potentially be an issue LONG before you child is old enough to be aware.  Handle it so she/he doesn't have to. [/b]

I wholeheartedly agree with talking these issues through w/ a counselor who has experience with DE, blended families, adoption, fertility struggles, etc...  It was profoundly helpful for me and my husband.

Good luck!
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I find this discussion very helpful, but the bolded part is completely naive and unrealistic. My MIL is in her 70s, devoutly catholic, from a latin culture. Loves making a soap opera out of anything.  Catholic church forbids IVF even with own eggs. How am I supposed to deal? Tell her FU and your religion? Convince DH to become estranged from her? Never give her a chance to talk to the child? Wait for her to die before having children?
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My dad is catholic (Irish) and is generally opposed to IVF.  BUT he didn't interfere or have anything negative to say about me doing DE.  He's been supportive and is excited to have another grandchild.  I definitely wouldn't have been able to tackle the conversation with an in-law myself, but maybe your DH would be better able to?  And maybe your MIL would feel differently if she knew it meant the difference between another grandchild or not?  After all, it would be your "sin" for doing IVF, not hers or the child's (or you could tell her you'd use all the embryos to make her feel better?).  Sorry that you have to deal with that, but glad you're considering how it affects things.

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