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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mom from DE here.  Re the issue of being open - I just want to advocate for not trying to keep the secret.  I totally agree about telling your child, without shame but in celebration of how much your child was wanted.

Don't tell your child but tell the child he/she can't talk about it - that screams of shame and will diminish any message of love you attach to it.

[b]Deal with the family/friends who are going to potentially be an issue LONG before you child is old enough to be aware.  Handle it so she/he doesn't have to. [/b]

I wholeheartedly agree with talking these issues through w/ a counselor who has experience with DE, blended families, adoption, fertility struggles, etc...  It was profoundly helpful for me and my husband.

Good luck!
[/quote]

I find this discussion very helpful, but the bolded part is completely naive and unrealistic. My MIL is in her 70s, devoutly catholic, from a latin culture. Loves making a soap opera out of anything.  Catholic church forbids IVF even with own eggs. How am I supposed to deal? Tell her FU and your religion? Convince DH to become estranged from her? Never give her a chance to talk to the child? Wait for her to die before having children?
[/quote]
Your MIL lived her life and had her children. No one knows what she would have done had she encountered infertility. Do you really want her attitude to influence such an important life decision as having your own child? If she chooses to become estranged over this then that's the choice she's making.[/quote]

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