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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mom from DE here.  Re the issue of being open - I just want to advocate for not trying to keep the secret.  I totally agree about telling your child, without shame but in celebration of how much your child was wanted.

Don't tell your child but tell the child he/she can't talk about it - that screams of shame and will diminish any message of love you attach to it.

Deal with the family/friends who are going to potentially be an issue LONG before you child is old enough to be aware.  Handle it so she/he doesn't have to.

I wholeheartedly agree with talking these issues through w/ a counselor who has experience with DE, blended families, adoption, fertility struggles, etc...  It was profoundly helpful for me and my husband.

Good luck!
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I don't agree that everything you want to keep private or not tell others is shameful.  Pregnancy, atheism, death, Santa is pretend are things I've talked to my child about where we discussed not telling others certain things ever or for limited periods of time (including other family members).  In the example, shame is a real issue, but it doesn't have to be the case.  In the end the info is really the DE child's, but trying to protect it's privacy until they have a better understanding and can make a clearer decision for themselves isn't bad.  But you also couldn't use any sort of punishment or get mad at a young child for not keeping it private, so you need to be prepared for the fact that they might say something.

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