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Infertility Support and Discussion
Reply to "Donor child after biological child"
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[quote=Anonymous]Am 5 months with a DE baby. First was not DE. Whole family is SO excited and happy. I'm assuming you're capable of loving someone not genetically related to you, so that's not an issue. Otherwise here are things that I thought about (either on my own or had heard elsewhere) that are specific to having 1 DE and 1 OE (not DE issues generally). 1. Jealous of husband for being genetically related to the DE child. Non-issue for me. 2. First child is mean to your DE child for not being a full sibling. Not a real issue - first is very caring. Could it happen that they'd fight and the first would low? Yes, but it would be an anomaly and we'd deal with it appropriately. 3. DE child feels bad for being DE. We won't be giving them a reason to. We're not sharing our personal info with the world, but will be open early on and have been open with close family, who is also supportive. Teens in particular are known for finding things to feel crappy about, so it is very possible that this comes up. However, if it wasn't this in particular, it would be something else, to the extent the child is prone to depression, low self-esteem, etc. (which, of course we'd do our best to avoid and would deal with appropriately if it came up). I don't see that DE alone, would cause this, if we don't treat it like something to be ashamed of. 4. Other family members have issues/jealousy with the DE child looking into possible 1/2 siblings and or wanting info about the donor (if it happens, and it probably will - esp. 1/2 siblings). I feel pretty confident that neither I nor DH will take issue with this and I plan to be supportive. Can't tell what first child would think at this point, but since we plan to be supportive, I'd expect that will shape what the first child thinks, too. I recommend talking to a counselor specializing in DE. We talked to Ellen Glazer. DE was great for us, but there are a lot of things to think about in the process. [/quote]
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