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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been married for 10 years. We previously lived near my in-laws, but have lived 3 hour plane ride away from them for the past few years.

Since we've moved, my in-laws will now come to visit us anywhere from 7-15 days and stay at our house. They never rent a car and are not much for exploring, so they are in the house with me basically 24-7 during the visit while DH goes to work 11+ hours a day.  I usually get along well with the in-laws the first few days they're here, but then it starts to become unbearable due to a number of personality conflicts and issues revolving around politics, money, the way I raise my children, organize my home, and run my kitchen. This has become incredibly stressful on our marriage and has led to a number of major fights between my husband and me.

A few months ago, I told DH that this continual issue is hurting our marriage. I didn't want him to have to choose between them or me, so I suggested that we meet in the middle and limit houseguests (including my parents) to a maximum of five nights. He agreed this was a good solution because he doesn't like to fight with me while his parents visit either.  When his parents asked to come for this Christmas, he told them what dates to come, which was five nights long. They kept insisting on staying longer, but DH told them it wouldn't work due to scheduling, plans, etc. In-laws persisted and said things like, "We can entertain ourselves," "We'll stay out of the way", "Just come and go and lead your lives- we can just hang out,", etc.  Then DH told them, sorry, these five days are the days that work.

But then in-laws waited until the last minute to book their flights and said they had to come for 10 days because if they came for the five days we told them, they'd have to pay something like $2500 for plane tickets versus $600 total. DH told them to go ahead and book the tickets for the 10 days.

I'm not sure I can take this again. DH refuses to put his foot down and, in my mind, it sounds like he has chosen them over me. DH and I had another talk about this and he said he will be more firm about instilling the five night rule next time, but continues to find it impossible to tell them "no".

Does anyone have any advice on how to avoid this situation again?  How do you tactfully tell family that five nights is the max when they keep insisting they won't be in the way, that they have to stay longer due to financial issues, or have any other persistent excuses?

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