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[quote=Anonymous]My 8th grade DD attends a very rigorous pressure-cooker type of public school in the NYC area. Due to demographic shifts over the past decade, our district has become markedly focused on math/science over time. This is our zoned public school, not a magnet school, so we didn't choose or test into this specific school for my DD. We originally chose this district because it was one of the top districts in the state, but now it has become very, very math/science hyper-competitive. For comparison, the GPA-centric culture sounds similar to what people on this board describe as the culture of math/science magnet schools like TJ.

For my younger son, this turn of events is not an issue. He is strongest in math/science and enjoys it and it comes easily to him. His cohort is not as academically advanced as my DD's so he ranks at or near the top, even in early middle school. So he is doing fine and enjoying school. But for my DD, it is an entirely different ballgame. For one thing, her cohort has always been very strong, especially in math/science. Unfortunately, math has always been her weakest subject. By weak, I mean she is in college prep (Algebra 1 Part 2) and her avg is high 80s instead of high 90s/100s like in all of her other classes. To my DH and I, that is fine. Amazing, even. That is her "weakest" subject?! But in our district, and especially compared to her very bright friends, being "only" in the college prep track for math vs being in honors 1 or 2 levels above makes her feel truly awful.

The focus on math/science in the district is really hurting her self-esteem. It is overemphasizing her weakness in math and under-emphasizing/under-appreciating her true talents/passions (writing, art, music, creativity). We constantly tell her not to worry about other people, you do you, girl power, etc. Focus on your strengths. If you are in a class that is not one of your core strengths, just work hard, do your best and move on. That everyone has strengths and weakness, including us, and that is just how life is. But she can't deal with it. She gets so hung up on the tiniest little "failures" that she will rehash them weeks or months later. She will get 100% on like 25 tests but if one time she gets an 72% she will just harp on that forever and say "see, I'm stupid!". Even if the average is still an "A". [u]It's as if the successes are meaningless and the failures are all that matter to her, even though the failures are few and far between. And even then, they are hardly "failures" in the grand scheme of life.[/u]

This perceived flaw is causing her to have very low self-esteem and to think very critically of herself. Lots of crying, lots of her telling us she isn't good enough, etc. no matter how much my DH and I reassure her that she is doing great, to put things into perspective, that everyone is not amazing at everything, etc.

We really are at our wit's end with this. Last night was another late night up with her crying because she wasn't happy with one of her grades. We just can't seem to get through to her and she is so stressed and not the fun, happy kid we used to have. She will start high school next year and we know this is only going to get worse.

WWYD? Has anyone been through something like this before? How can we help her to see that she is the incredible person that really she is and stop always comparing herself to others? How can we assure her that even with "only" a B in college prep math, she can still go to a great college, get a great and interesting job and have a wonderful life? It's like she doesn't believe this to be a possible outcome no matter what we tell her.

Does anyone else have a child like this? How were you able to get through to them?

Thanks for any help you can provide.

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