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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the fact that you found out about it from noticing the name pop up a lot on his phone is a red flag. If this is just someone from high school he’s reconnected with, why didn’t he tell you about it himself at some point? One of my DH’s good friends is a woman he grew up with, which doesnt bother me at all in significant part because he’s transparent about it. Not in a reporting-to-mommy kind of way but just in casual conversation. “I talked to Jane today, she told me a funny story about her sister’s latest boyfriend. “[/quote]

OP here, yes, this is almost exactly what I told him and precisely what I feel about it. His answer is that he's just a "private person" but it's not like he never mentions things casually after talking to his guy friends. He's only "private" when it comes to these active texting relationships with other women. I'm frustrated that we seem to keep running into this pattern. [/quote]

"Private person" is garbage, it's basically just an excuse to carry on an emotional affair without having to be accountable to you. You are his wife, not a random person on the street, and this is an issue of particular sensitivity given past history. If he respects your marriage, he needs to be willing to share this part of his life with you to avoid the appearance of impropriety. If there's nothing inappropriate going on, this shouldn't be a problem.[/quote]

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