Reply to How to handle--better boundaries or do I just need to let go?

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[quote=Anonymous]To the immediate PP, I am the OP.  I’m long winded IRL too.  I honestly have tried to look at my role.  But tbh I think it has more to do with indulging all parties (DH, FIL, GF) to the extent that I doubt it is healthy for all involved, including myself and my kids.  My kids don’t adore GF but they also do not perceive her someone who doesn’t want them around.

Some of the ongoing issue for me is the future unknowns (agree with PP that we don’t know what GF will be like as a caregiver to FIL and DH, BIL/SIL have all voiced that concern).  Another issue is that it’s hard to navigate feeling disliked and unwelcome, both for me and on behalf of my DH and kids.

I have not had a direct discussion with GF because DH and FIL have expressed they would not want that.  I want to respect that the DH/FIL relationship is central to this.  They had a recent discussion, around the time i created this post, in which DH said that we feel our visits creat stress and tension in their home and would love to have FIL visit us.  
This is the solution I’d come up with but I don’t think DH is okay with us not going to them, period. I have suggested a hotel as the only way I think we can go visit FIL in which we can dictate any terms of the visit but not yet sure DH will agree.  But I do appreciate the input I’ve gotten here.  [/quote]

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