Reply to How to handle--better boundaries or do I just need to let go?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds to me like there already are a plentiful amount of boundaries in place and that perhaps you need fewer, not more.  What further boundaries do you envision other than those already set by your FIL's GF?

If it is so stressful to your FIL's GF to host you then he should begin visiting you more often, either with or without his GF.  Perhaps if she is socializing with your children when she doesn't have the burden of entertaining, she might find it easier.  It does sound like she bears most of the load when they issue invitations to their home.

In the meantime, begin doing more of the asking and hosting.  Your FIL can decide if he wants to take you up on your offer or not.  But don't close the door on him just because you're chafing at his GF's boundary setting.  [/quote]

Good points.  I very much want my kids to have a strong relationship with my FIL.  Generally speaking we have gone to him/them 2-4 times a year since my oldest DC was born.  We have also extended many invitations for FIL to come and in the past he came to visit quite a bit.  My issue with the GF is not that we need better or clearer boundaries from her but rather that I feel my DH, BIL/SIL and I have generally tried to accommodate her every request, to the extent that I think it is beyond reasonable, without setting any boundaries in response.  For example, driving 10+ hours round trip to be told we can’t visit in their home for more than 2-3 hours and sometimes not at all, meaning our only time with FIL is hosting him in our hotel room or meeting at a restaurant.

I certainly don’t feel we can dictate how or when we are at their home but feel like it’s reasonable to say at some point that we don’t feel welcome, rather than just not going anymore at all.  [/quote]

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