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[quote=Anonymous]We take an approach similar to 09:53.  Trust but verify.  My oldest (15 and with ADHD/anxiety) over the last couple of years has been lying more frequently.  His father (who also has ADHD/depression) also has issues with the truth at time.  In relationship counseling, our therapist helped me to understand that part of it is the legacy of ADHD/depression/anxiety.  She wasn't excusing it by any means but that some of it is an attempt to 'avoid' with the expectation that he'll get it done; or that he doesn't want to disappoint; or that he's ashamed.  Again, none of this is to excuse the behavior but to understand the underlying issues that make one more prone to lie.

This is why we (mostly "I") try to maintain an environment where lying isn't successful.  This extends not just to school work (checking the online assignment/grade site) but taking a shower/washing hair (I feel and smell his hair), brushing teeth (he wears braces so it's easy to see if he's brushed), walking the dog (he's got to be gone at least 30 minutes), etc.  Yes, it's a major pain in the ass but, as I explain to him, this is necessary when you can't rely on someone's word.  Trust must be earned.  What's ironic is this is the kid that couldn't, for the life of him, tell a lie in ES - to his own detriment!  He's sure made up for it. :(

If anyone knows of any TED talks or other brief discussion on the topic, I'd love to be able to watch them with my kid. [/quote]

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