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[quote=Anonymous]The feelings I'm looking to protect are the targeted girl's. I worry that if she comes, she will be made miserable. I will be hovering and helping, but at the end of the day, it takes only a subtle snub to have a big impact. These are freshly minted teenagers, not mature adults, and feelings are volatile. These two girls have already mused that if she comes, she will be alone, essentially setting the expectation for the entire group on what the "expected" behavior should be.

So if DD is worried about how her friend will feel, I will take that information at face value.

Options I'm looking at:
- not inviting these two girls who are stirring this issue. This is pretty much a nuclear option -- lots of tears and possibly retribution at school.
- sending the invite, but having a conversation with the mom, so that she might be on hand, and looking in the group for a designated "buddy".
- sending the invite, but offering the option of an outing just with DD and the targeted girl, in case she does not feel like braving the crowd
- come to think of it, maybe the party *should* be with the group, and have a separate outing with the two trouble makers -- option 1, less nuclear.
- having a stern conversation with the two kids before the party setting up an "instant end" if anyone is mean.

Any moms of older teens out there? I've never seen something quite like this...
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