Reply to Never Feel Good Enough.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I have decided I don’t want to live the way I am. I don’t want to be at my parents house or have my family think I’m a lesbian ( I’m very straight). I want to be love a life full of happiness. I’ve decided to become an RN because I love helping people. After paying off very high medical bills, I have saved to move out. I am also losing weight. The thing is I almost feel it doesn’t matter. I feel because of all my baggage, I will never find a guy that will ever want me. I don’t have anything to give, and men like women who are good in bed, educated, attractive, etc., which I am none of those things. I can’t help but feel like a loser and failure at life, and like I am just not good enough for anyone. I have a lot of social anxiety and I care way too much what people think of me. I want a boyfriend, marriage, children, etc. I am so lonely and just want someone to love me, but I just wonder if I am destined for this pathetic existence of life.[/quote]

OP I think you need therapy and independent living. You are doing all these things for yourself now--losing the weight, getting your degree and charting your own course. Your mind is still stuck in the past, however and you truly need to learn to love and nurture yourself since you don't see how much you have to offer.  You need to invest some time into your mental health, your physical well being, building networks of friendship, and your career. When you are 30/31 you will be at the right age to meet someone else who is serious. In the meantime, learn to love and value yourself so that when you feel ready to date (and why not now?) you will be able to understand the kind of person you deserve and evaluate accordingly. You will also have years of experience understanding what it is like to feel things deeply, to be sensitive and empathetic. Hopefully you will find a partner who shares values and understands that the work you put into changing and growing is a sign of your maturity and inner strength, which makes you a good partner.

finally, plenty of us did not get our act together until later--I had few serious relationships until I was 30, was just finishing grad school and had jobs/fellowships that kept me just a hair from perilous poverty and I didn't feel good about myself (I was skinny, but had disordered sense of self worth). I did therapy in my early 30s, built a circle of friends, and focused on becoming the person I wanted to be--not some fashion model with a seemingly perfect life, but someone happy, confident not afraid to try new things, etc. I met DH right after I turned 36, and still got the kids, marriage, etc. Its okay. You have time. You are using it well to make some outer changes, now make those inner ones. [/quote]

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