Reply to How did you deal with your DS or DD during parental alienation?

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Reply to "How did you deal with your DS or DD during parental alienation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ex is manipulating DD to stay with her instead of me (we have been doing 50/50).  DD is experiencing some emotional issues that are being exacerbated by her mom.

My question is what did you do with the child in the middle.  She is 14 and while certainly not an independent decisionmaker, she is capable of making decisions and thinking about consequences.  I am torn between letting her realize the consequences of her actions (i.e., if you want to basically cut me out of your life and only see me for brief visits, I will keep loving you, but your mom can provide everything like rides to activities, funding for activities, gifts, etc.) versus simply taking it (i.e., I will keep loving you and even though you don't want to live with me I will keep doing these things).

Letting her stay with her mom while continuing to support her with rides and funding seems almost like a reward for this behavior.  Obviously she is not 100% to blame because she is under her mother's sway...but she has to realize her actions have consequences...right?

I'm lost.  Besides being heartbroken. [/quote]

Don't give up your parenting time and get into joint counseling on your time.  She isn't going to realize her actions and if she does, Mom is such a strong force that she may not be able to compete.  Provide everything on your time and on Mom's time Mom does those things.  If she refuses visits, then I would not give her rides or give her extra money.  Mom can do those things if she's living with Mom.  You can take it to court but at 14, not really much you can do.  Try dealing with Mom directly, but its probably hopeless.[/quote]

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