Reply to Difficult situation - am I doing the right thing?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Difficult situation - am I doing the right thing?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Excellent opportunity to teach kids in person about charming lying people, especially if kids like him. [/quote]

These are elementary age kids. They won't get that the charm is fake; they'll only see that uncle is so nice to them, so funny, so sweet. They will not understand at all if their parents later say, "We know uncle seems nice but really he's not...." That will only confuse the kids and possibly make them feel they want to defend him to their parents--not at all what OP wants. OP, have other plans this holiday. Do not let your parents rope you into any discussion or try to convince you. Smile as you repeat, "We committed to see friends" or "We're doing the holiday with just us this year."

OP, ypu and your DH right mow just need to get through these holidays but after that you need to develop a firm plan for how to handle this. Are your parents local, so they expect to see your kids throughout the year? If so, you will have to tell them clearly that you will see them without your kids, or you will bring your kids to see them at outings etc., but not at their house if brother is there. Or you do let the kids see brother but limit it to outings where everyone is focused on the activity and you can leave easily.

It may be possible for him to have some level of relationship with your kids but I would not let hanging out for hours on end at your parents house or your house be part of that. I'd stick clearly to "third places" that involve an activity and a time frame. [/quote]

Thanks, this makes me feel better -- I was starting to think I was wildly off base.  This is exactly the issue -- he is very charming and manipulative and seeks out me and the kids for lots of attention.   I don't think they can understand that he's so damaged and has been so for decades.  He's not open to rehab, work, or supporting/seeing his own kids.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics