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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He is home some of the time when this happens and if he is, I say I need to go off. Or he suggests it. Tonight he was out when it happened. I think you may be right re: natural consequences. I also didn't mention that we have a puppy who is adding to the craziness- swiping things, chewing up retainers etc. I have him in training... My husband is very stressed by chaos... and I am really trying to not let it happen. But truth be told, if I had easier kids, this might not happen. I love them to death, but are tough... I just feel like a crappy parent at this moment and yet I meditate and do all this stuff to try to not be reactive...[/quote]

I can relate. Sometimes it can be caused by fear. When the switch flips, can you figure out what fear is going through your mind? Tracing that and working through that can help. How grounded is your fear in reality? Will they really end up being nothings if they fail one math assignment? That sort of thing. Sometimes for me it's my parents thoughts in my head, not mine. Like wow, my dad would be livid if my daughter did this in front of him. When really, for me, it's not as big of a deal. Yet I react as he might've.

There's the usual things like knowing your triggers - sometimes I wear ear plugs because sudden excessive noise triggers me (my kids are a little younger than yours). Sometimes parenting is just really hard.

You mention your husband a lot - it seems he is adding to the pressure. He is an adult responsible for his own life and you do not need to create anything for him. Of course a calm and peaceful home is good for all, but raging hormones and the pressures of teenage years are not calm and peaceful. What if you let go of his wishes and wants and focused on your main goals for your kids?

Sometimes I feel guilty. Like this is my fault, I created this, I could be better, but that's just my anxiety talking. We can only bring our best and some days our best will let us bring more than other days.[/quote]

Great advice. I used to rage a lot . I have tough kids too same ages we have Adhd, learning differences, for one these are fairly profound, anxiety and a chronic disease in the mix.  I went to therapy to deal better.  I also went in Wellbutrin.  I separate myself when I feel a rage coming in.  I also agree that fear is the basis of a lot of it and exhaustion and often pre menopause hormonal issues.  Perfectionist tendencies don’t help. I’ve learned that my kids are responsible for their grades and while I’ve put in systems (tutors etc) to help them ultimately this is on them. [/quote]

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