Reply to Why do they say to wait a long time to start a new relationship after a divorce/separation?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why do they say to wait a long time to start a new relationship after a divorce/separation?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]You need to take care of yourself and find out who you are as an individual, without other people.  Too often relationships fail because one person doesn't even know what they like, what they want.  They are used to doing things for others, taking care of others, and they submerge their own personal preferences behind what is best for "us" instead of for "me."  Then they start to resent why they never get what they want, because they don't even know how to identify what is missing, what is not being done for themselves.  They don't learn how to advocate for what they want.

So, if you had a night to yourself, like you do now, what would you do with yourself that you enjoy?
If you could choose how to spend the weekend without having to balance someone else's preferences, what would you do?
Do you like to leave early for appointments/events?
Or do you like to be there on time so that you don't waste time waiting around?
Try out brands of food or products that you didn't have a say in before because your partner always uses brand X.
Do things that you used to avoid because it was on partner's "do not do X" list (whether eating something they were allergic to, or buying from X store that they boycotted or going someplace they didn't approve of, etc)

I've know many people who went from parents house to SO's house to marriage, and never lived alone.  Jumped into a new relationship after one died.  They were always unsettled because things never seemed to be the way they wanted it.  They did A because SO wanted it, then B because spouse wanted it, but never did C which is what they really wanted.  And then didn't even know that they resented not getting C because they never stopped to figure out that they really wanted C.  All they did was go from parents' preference to SO's preference to spouse's preference.

Figure out who you are and what you like.  What will make you happy and balanced that should not depend on another person dictating to you.  Once you know those things about yourself, then it will be easier to advocate or incorporate those into your life with another person.  And learn the things that you have compromised about yourself to be with others and figure out which of those should be negotiable and which ones should not.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics