Reply to Why do they say to wait a long time to start a new relationship after a divorce/separation?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Why do they say to wait a long time to start a new relationship after a divorce/separation?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds snarky, but this is a genuine question. Truly, what should you be doing during that time period? And yes, this is something I am facing so I can only focus on the negative right now (being alone through the holidays, birthday, etc) and I want to know what makes that loneliness worth it. Because I can't see how it matters how many new hobbies I get, or how many friends I have, or how great of a family I have, or how much I go to the gym, I'm still going home to an empty house at the end of the night. Am I supposed to figure out how to enjoy this first and that's how I know I am "ready"? [/quote]

I think it depends on the person. Some reasons that people recommend waiting:

1) You have kids and they are dealing with the fallout from divorce - you don't want to introduce another life change immediately, even if it's just them spending time with a babysitter while you go on dates. Your focus should be on helping them adjust to their new life.
2) Your marriage/divorce was messy and you are an emotional wreck - you need time to process your divorce and recover emotionally and doing that with another person is almost guaranteed to be a disaster in some way or another.
3) You may end up dating someone who isn't good for you and staying with them longer than is healthy in order to prove to yourself that you can sustain a relationship.

What should you be doing during that time? I think it's different for everyone. When I got divorced, I was coming off many years of my interests/needs/etc. not being considered. I really enjoyed stuff like buying furnishings that *I* liked but that were not to my ex's taste. I liked going to movies, which was something he never wanted to do. I liked going out to restaurants with different kinds of food than he liked. I went to the Caribbean for a week by myself and just enjoyed the lack of conflict and chaos. I think that some people are ready to date sooner than others, but that you are talking about not wanting to come home to an empty house indicates to me that you're in danger of falling deeply into the first relationship that comes along just to stop feeling lonely.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics