Reply to Mf gf hit me for the first time (DV in lesbian relationship)

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[quote=Anonymous]Please get couples counseling now. Don't put it off. Above all do not take any further steps toward even thinking about adoption at this point and for a long time to come. You both need to see that, though you say you've never physically fought before, this was a huge event in your relationship and even if she apologized and you apologized for the phone thing, you cannot stop at apologies. No healthy person "whoops ass" on a life partner. No healthy person is so insecure that she grabs a partner's phone and destroys it. This was not about just this one incident. There must be other issues buried between you and it came out physically, which is a huge, waving, red flag that you both are not communicating AT ALL on the level where committed adults and potential parents should communicate.

Couples counseling now, and both of you need to commit to that counseling. You might need to agree to live apart while getting counseling if you feel unsafe with her (or if she feels she can't control her anger--does she ever have other anger management fails? Do you do other things that show your insecurity? Why do you feel you hit back rather than walking out? What would have happened if you hadn't been separated? That's a scary question you need to ask yourselves.

If she won't get counseling with you I would tell her she has X amount of time to join you in couples counseling or couples therapy or you are done. Ultimatums often are not a good idea but if she was as physical as you say, how could you go back to living together? I hope she can be open to professional help and that you can too. Get therapy on your own if she won't go so you can work on the insecurity.

Imagine if you two had a child. What if a child witnessed all this? What if she went off like that on a child? These are things to ask her if she thinks the incident was nothing and can be brushed away with an apology. [/quote]

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