Anonymous wrote:You lost me when you described your gf as “the more masculine one” instead of simply bigger and stronger. That’s a very straight way of thinking and I now assume you’re a troll.

Perhaps a troll trying to determine if people react differently to violence between lesbian couples versus heterosexual couples?

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that this was the first time in 5 years things escalated between you two.

+2 I don’t buy that for a second.

Regardless, you are emotionally abusuve and she is physically abusive. You should not adopt a child.

The fact that you’ve been cheated on doesn’t entitle you to invade your GF’s privacy, destroy her property and accuse her of wrongdoing. But she never should’ve hit you. You are a toxic mess as a couple and should part ways.

Please get couples counseling now. Don't put it off. Above all do not take any further steps toward even thinking about adoption at this point and for a long time to come. You both need to see that, though you say you've never physically fought before, this was a huge event in your relationship and even if she apologized and you apologized for the phone thing, you cannot stop at apologies. No healthy person "whoops ass" on a life partner. No healthy person is so insecure that she grabs a partner's phone and destroys it. This was not about just this one incident. There must be other issues buried between you and it came out physically, which is a huge, waving, red flag that you both are not communicating AT ALL on the level where committed adults and potential parents should communicate.

Couples counseling now, and both of you need to commit to that counseling. You might need to agree to live apart while getting counseling if you feel unsafe with her (or if she feels she can't control her anger--does she ever have other anger management fails? Do you do other things that show your insecurity? Why do you feel you hit back rather than walking out? What would have happened if you hadn't been separated? That's a scary question you need to ask yourselves.

If she won't get counseling with you I would tell her she has X amount of time to join you in couples counseling or couples therapy or you are done. Ultimatums often are not a good idea but if she was as physical as you say, how could you go back to living together? I hope she can be open to professional help and that you can too. Get therapy on your own if she won't go so you can work on the insecurity.

Imagine if you two had a child. What if a child witnessed all this? What if she went off like that on a child? These are things to ask her if she thinks the incident was nothing and can be brushed away with an apology.

Anonymous wrote:You lost me when you described your gf as “the more masculine one” instead of simply bigger and stronger. That’s a very straight way of thinking and I now assume you’re a troll.

100% agree.

If this is real, the relationship is unhealthy all around. Do not adopt a child together!

Both of you have anger problems. Get help.

You lost me when you described your gf as “the more masculine one” instead of simply bigger and stronger. That’s a very straight way of thinking and I now assume you’re a troll.

Anonymous wrote:My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the shit out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me (the more masculine one). But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.

Euphemism for jerk
Emotional abuse
Physical abuse
More physical abuse

You were already in an abusive relationship, you just got the shock of your life when she fought back. Get counseling or get out, but either way don't adopt a kid.

You deserved to get beat up. I have no sympathy for you and you sound jealous and crazy. Plus why pick a fight with someone much bigger than you?

Get away from each other, break up and go to therapy. Separately.

I don't believe that this was the first time in 5 years things escalated between you two.

I would have slapped you too. I mean...woman to woman - you're not going to destroy a $600 piece of property of mine's and get away with it.

Sounds like you are an equal culprit in the 'DV' part of things - the emotional abuse (questioning her cheating on you, was she the culprit before?) and then taking something from her only to destroy it. But the serious fighting, that's something I'd never do with my BF. Male or female, that's not a healthy relationship.

Counseling stat. I don't think I could stay with you.

You kinda asked for it OP. If someone broke my phone, I might beat their ass too. But it does seem like she took it too far. I suggest counseling.

Hmm, you started it.

My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the shit out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me (the more masculine one). But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.