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[quote=Anonymous]OP, why are you asking what a generic "asexual man looks like"? Your boyfriend is an individual, and hearing strangers tell you their ideas of what an asexual man is like means nothing. What is HE like?

You are going to get the kinds of idiot answers like the "dump him" one above, with all the deep thought they involve. Do you really want to trust your relationship's future to those kinds of responses?

He might be gay, or asexual. That's entirely possible. But if you and he are in a serious relationship, you owe it t yourself, him and the relationship to dig deeper and help him, if you want to have sex that isn't an obligation.

Please be open to the idea that there could be many issues besides closeted homosexuality or asexuality that could be causing his lack of interest in sex.

Depression absolutely can kill sex drive. If you think, "Oh, he never acts sad or down, so he can't be depressed," you need to understand that depression does not always cause the person to act "sad" outwardly. Or if he has an exceptionally stressful job or other intense stress in his life, that also can kill off drive. Or he could have been sexually abused when younger, which would definitely call for him to get serious therapy to work through that--for his own sake and for the sake of your relationship. Or if he is on medication for any reason (psychiatric meds, pain meds, meds for a chronic condition or illness, etc.), one side effect of many medications is that they reduce sex drive, sometimes drastically. In terms of drugs rather than medications: If he smokes marijuana, be aware that for some users, especially heavy users, weed can affect sex drive.

If you and he are in a relationship, you should be able to have an open, adult discussion about this.Have you talked with him about why he never feels aroused? If you have and his reply is, "I don't know why," you need to talk again -- not once but as an ongoing conversation-- and work through the possibilities like depression, abuse, meds, drugs, and sexual orientation. It may get difficult and painful for you because you need to get him to think and talk about whether he has always been this way, or if he was able to feel aroused and sexual with past girlfriends and this is a change to his past self.

I really would consider getting couples therapy because sometimes it helps to have a third-party professional guiding you in tough discussions. If your relationship is a real and serious one there is work you both have to do if you want more than obligatory sex. But even more than sex (yeah, there are some aspects of life that are more important than sex, despite what much of DCUM believes)--he has something going on in his past or his mind that is separating the two of you and making him unhappy. [/quote]

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