Anonymous wrote:Op, have you gained weight or cut your hair off?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend has physical conditions (low T and ED and taking meds for other things) that have rendered him asexual. Those can be addressed with meds. He's unable to deal with the situation emotionally, so he's not.

The question is why isn't he jumping at the chance to fix this?

This is the earlier PP at 10:43. The issue is that he is happy in every way, OP says-- but he refuses to get help for TWO utterly treatable medical conditions that affect not only him but also the GF he says he loves.

OP, why does he refuse medical help for two, not uncommon, easily treated medical conditions? He is willing to accept treatment and meds for his anxiety. This is Op. I don't know. I've asked him and he says he's not taking more medicine.

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend has physical conditions (low T and ED and taking meds for other things) that have rendered him asexual. Those can be addressed with meds. He's unable to deal with the situation emotionally, so he's not.

The question is why isn't he jumping at the chance to fix this?

Have considered a relationship where you saw other another man just for sex?

He is currently 38
-He started having sex at 17.
-He said he had a high drive in his 20's and had a lot of sex
-His drive cooled down considerably around 32-33
-He said that he is low drive right now, with no interest in sex and is fine being that way
-He has tried porn to turn himself on (that doesn't work)
-When he does masturbate, he said it takes him 30+minutes
-He said that he has never been sexually abused, no traumatic experiences
-He takes a medication for anxiety
-He has ed. Very difficult getting an erection.
-He will not try Viagra.
-He has low T but will not take medication for that
-I asked him what he needed me to do to help, he said that what I already do is fine
-He has such little interest in sex that he barely touches me. It's always with me prompting, and I can tell he's not into it.
-He said that he can't think of anything that is a turn on to him to even get him in the mood.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you asking what a generic "asexual man looks like"? Your boyfriend is an individual, and hearing strangers tell you their ideas of what an asexual man is like means nothing. What is HE like?

You are going to get the kinds of idiot answers like the "dump him" one above, with all the deep thought they involve. Do you really want to trust your relationship's future to those kinds of responses?

He might be gay, or asexual. That's entirely possible. But if you and he are in a serious relationship, you owe it t yourself, him and the relationship to dig deeper and help him, if you want to have sex that isn't an obligation.

Please be open to the idea that there could be many issues besides closeted homosexuality or asexuality that could be causing his lack of interest in sex.

Depression absolutely can kill sex drive. If you think, "Oh, he never acts sad or down, so he can't be depressed," you need to understand that depression does not always cause the person to act "sad" outwardly. Or if he has an exceptionally stressful job or other intense stress in his life, that also can kill off drive. Or he could have been sexually abused when younger, which would definitely call for him to get serious therapy to work through that--for his own sake and for the sake of your relationship. Or if he is on medication for any reason (psychiatric meds, pain meds, meds for a chronic condition or illness, etc.), one side effect of many medications is that they reduce sex drive, sometimes drastically. In terms of drugs rather than medications: If he smokes marijuana, be aware that for some users, especially heavy users, weed can affect sex drive.

If you and he are in a relationship, you should be able to have an open, adult discussion about this.Have you talked with him about why he never feels aroused? If you have and his reply is, "I don't know why," you need to talk again -- not once but as an ongoing conversation-- and work through the possibilities like depression, abuse, meds, drugs, and sexual orientation. It may get difficult and painful for you because you need to get him to think and talk about whether he has always been this way, or if he was able to feel aroused and sexual with past girlfriends and this is a change to his past self.

I really would consider getting couples therapy because sometimes it helps to have a third-party professional guiding you in tough discussions. If your relationship is a real and serious one there is work you both have to do if you want more than obligatory sex. But even more than sex (yeah, there are some aspects of life that are more important than sex, despite what much of DCUM believes)--he has something going on in his past or his mind that is separating the two of you and making him unhappy.