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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the PP, thanks so much for your honesty. It's without a doubt the hardest position I've ever been in. My fear with terminating is will I feel more guilt and regret than I will relief? I'm afraid that I don't have total clarity and I can't predict how it will be afterward. I just don't think I can mentally and physically go through with this 4th pregnancy and child. But terminating has never even crossed my mind before (even tho I am pro choice) - I never believed I would find myself contemplating it, and I feel terribly guilty that it seems to be what I am leaning towards. [/quote]

This is then PP.  Wish we knew each other in real life and I could give you a hug.  I get it so completely.  And if you fall down the internet rabbit hole (which I would NOT advise) you will see that there are so many people who have felt this way. You are not alone.  When I first found out I was shocked, but I fully anticipated that it would wear off and I would get excited.  I TRIED to get excited.  I talked to my husband at length, talked to my therapist a ton, but I could NOT shake the absolute dread.  It enveloped me.

I was worried like you that I would regret it, and getting an abortion was the most terrified I've ever been.  But it was fine.  I went home and rested after and realized that for the first time I felt calm. It was the first time I had felt peace since the whole ordeal began.

I think so many pro choice women think "good for her, not for me."  I know I did.  This made me rethink everything about how I felt about abortion.  If we don't think there's anything wrong with it, then why are we so terrified/worried/ashamed of it?  Anyway...thoughts for another day.

Whatever decision you make, you will be OK.  My therapist reminds me all the time that your body and mind can't stay at such a heightened level of anxiety for a prolonged period of time.  One way or another you will find peace.  Good luck with whatever you choose.  You will be ok.[/quote]

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