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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I saw this thread, and literally am in the same position as OP. Surprise pregnancy with my 4th and 10wks but feeling so scared and anxious, and have been actually secretly hoping I naturally miscarry. Which makes me feel like a terrible mother. I know my older three kids would love another sibling, and my husband and I can financially handle it (not without added stress of course), but I don't know that I want to put myself through another pregnancy, another csection, post partum (I had a horrific time for months after my third), infancy, feeling overwhelmed with the needs of 4, etc. I have three healthy kids and am terrified of something being wrong with this baby, even though statistically I know the odds are in my favor. I don't know we want to roll the dice again.

My husband is supportive and wants whatever I want. I've met with my OB and he said we can terminate and it's a choice that I'd be making for my whole family. I'm on lexapro which manages my anxiety, but I have yet to feel any joy or excitement. I feel so torn and sad I'm in this position. I wish I could just be happy about this, like I have with my previous three pregnancies. Something just feels so off about this one. I should feel grateful and blessed, but I really deep down just feel terrified. Part of me feels like I will feel relief if I terminate but another part feels that I will have guilt/regret/sadness.

Wondering if anyone else has been in this position? [/quote]

Just wanted to say I am the PP 19:38. I so feel for the women on this thread. Your situation sounds identical to mine. Surprise pregnancy, severe unexpected anxiety and depression - amplified concern about something wrong with the baby. I was obsessed with this feeling of dread that something was wrong and was sure the tests would come back with something horrible. Also experienced the wish for natural miscarriage and the guilt that comes with it. Just wanted to say again that I think a lot of what you are experiencing is hormonal - I was told those feelings can be triggered in later pregnancies and the surprise factor can be a part, even if you can handle financially (which we also could). Anyways, it got SO SO much better for me around 14 weeks. By 20 weeks I was happy self again, felt totally back to normal and even started to feel excited. I just had the baby, everything worked out wonderfully and my husband and I agree that the surprise worked out as a gift in so many ways. I just wanted to send an encouraging word, because I have been there, and it is the PITS and the feelings are REAL, but you can make it through and you are doing wonderful things for your family. Hugs to you.[/quote]

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