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[quote=Anonymous]I don't even know if this is the right forum for this question but I can't think of a better fit.

My DH had a long-term affair that resulted in a daughter.  She is four, and our children together are six and two.  I found out a few months ago and so far we are not planning to divorce.  This has been a wild and emotional ride for me but my question is not about this right now.

He is quite involved in her life and sees her twice a week or so.  He has also been getting our son together with the girl regularly because he felt siblings must know each other.  I do not prevent him from seeing his daughter, and have allowed my son to continue seeing her on the condition that her mother is never around my children. They see each other at least once a week. My DH is a very involved father with our kids, he is a good dad.

So far he didn't explain/discuss with our son how this girl came to be, he just told him that "this is your sister", and since this has started a few years ago, I think my son has just taken this for granted.  However, I believe that eventually he will put two and two together, and I think we should figure out a way to talk about this with our kids that doesn't denigrate either their half-sister or their father.  I don't want to just present this as a fait accomplit, I want my children to understand that cheating is wrong but I just feel completely helpless and unequipped to step around this minefield.  I don't want my children, and especially my daughter (who is now 2) to learn this is normal or this is how men are allowed to behave.  Things are what they are, the kids aren't going away.  How do I talk about this?

I would like some advice from those of you who have been in this situation as kids, or someone who had something like this happen in the family.  How would you have liked the adults in the family frame this for you? What is the fair way to talk about this that makes clear that cheating is wrong, but does not take it out on the half-sibling or make their father look like a piece of crap?[/quote]

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