Reply to Feeling hopeless about relationship with a**h*** DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He sounds stressed out -- not so much contemptuous, at least in the example you provide here. If you had some other examples that showed basic lack of respect in non-stressful circumstances my reaction would be more negative.

Fighting with you about his time this weekend isn't mature -- you're right he could have been more direct -- but I don't consider that emotional abuse per se.

And I'm a feminist who would be very quick to call out a guy for disrespectful behavior (unlike most people on DCUM who seem to explain away all kinds of ridiculous behavior).
[/quote]

This is OP.  He will rant and rave at me as he did tonight even if work-unrelated.  For example, he tends to watch a lot of TV, like 5 hours straight until 2 am a lot, which is annoying in general, but now with DD, not cool in my book because all that TV makes him less available for things he should be doing, such as m time with me and/or DD.  One night it was 1 am and I commented "oh you're watching so much TV, you should go to bed," and that tipped him off in a slow boil of rage.  What is emotionally abusive is how he argues with me.  He will argue with me in a way to "punish" me.  He knows there are certain things I really dislike and he will do those things simply to get back at me.  For instance, he will yell in front of DD because he knows how much I hate it and it hurts me (because it hurts her).  He will rant and rave at me even though I'm not engaging him, even if I'm lying in bed trying to sleep with the door closed between us, because he knows that with DD there, I have to put up with it because I won't leave her.  He knows I hate it when he storms out of the apt, in and of itself, but especially now because he knows I can't do the same.  In a nutshell, he uses DD against me.

Another thing is he is always stressed over work.  If work is slow, he'll be stressed about not being productive enough or he'll stress about the one deal hanging over his head.  For the brief few months he didn't work and was waiting for his next job to start and Likewise he was free from the stress of work, he was a different man.

I appreciate your take on tonight's fight.  I guess because I never blow up like he does, it's hard for me to feel like his behavior is anything but unreasonable. [/quote]

God, isn't it obvious? He's always arguing with you because  you micromanage the sh*t out of his life. Now he can't watch TV after the kid goes to bed? Dear lord.[/quote]

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