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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had the opposite trajectory.

Growing up - I hated my parents. I grew up in a wealthy white area and watched all my friends get handed everything. Meanwhile, my parents, while they had the means, thought it was more important to make me work for things and show me that nothing in life is free.

As a kid, obviously I hated this. And it caused us to fight a lot. Obviously there were many other issues - but needless to say, our relationship as horrible and I was a horrible son.

As I go through life - especially the harder parts of life - I really grew to appreciate my parents lessons. My ability to find solutions, to work hard, to not give up, to constantly strive to be a better person... All these things are things I learned from my parents. It took me a long time to really understand it and once I did, I was so grateful for my parents.

We were really developing a much better relationship and things were going very well... Unfortunately, my father just passed away of cancer a few weeks ago. It was devastating to me to realize how much time I had wasted with him - he was an amazing man.[/quote]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. It's never easy.

This made me think back to a conversation I had with DH. He convinced himself that being hard on our boy will somehow make him grow up a better person. I completely disagree. We're not in the position to hand "everything" to our son, but I absolutely don't want him to struggle. Hopefully, we'll find a workable balance. When I was a teenager, my dad was harping on my mom for not giving me more chores. He somehow thought that I will not be able to take care of myself unless I slave away in the kitchen through my teenage years. Thankfully, my mom called his BS and said out right: She'll have plenty of work to do in her life. It's been almost thirty years, and I still agree with my mom on this one.[/quote]

PP - to clarify, my parents weren't slave drivers. And there is a balance. Kids need to be able to be kids. Life is so hard and you might as well let your children enjoy it while they can. At the same time, I have a daughter now - she is three months old. I think about the type of parent that I want to be. I think that the most important thing for me - is that I can at least give my daughter the tools to have a happy life - whatever that might mean for her. I think about what it takes to survive in this world and I think about the tools that I have had to use in order to find my own happy place. I don't think I will ever care about what my daughter does - from a status stand point. I don't have a path for her like some parents do. I really want my daughter to be able to choose her own paths in life. I want her to do things for herself and not because she was expected to do something. It is hard - especially for women - this society has so many demands and expectations for women - what they should look like, how they should act, what they should do with their lives, etc. It is so difficult. I really just hope that I can at least provide her with the necessary tools to be able to stand up for herself, embrace herself and her beliefs/values, and to be happy.[/quote]

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