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[quote=Anonymous]
It's become very clear that my 6th grade DD's former elementary BFF really wants nothing to do with her. They don't spend any time together outside of school, and that's fine. Friends grow apart, it's normal for middle school, yadda yadda yadda. The BFF has been taken in by the "cool" girls crowd, and my DD is not by any means able to hang with that crowd. She's a wonderful person, but she has ADHD and has some social awkwardness, tics, etc. She does have some friends, though making and keeping friends has always been an issue for her.

Here's my problem: She told me she still sits with former BFF and all of the BFF's friends at lunch. I saw for myself this weekend at a bat mitzvah how former BFF really completely ignores my DD. Like, it's not just that she's only marginally friendly to her and doesn't spend time with her outside of school, but she out-and-out ignores her. Which again, it is what it is. The BFF has no responsibility to my child.

Here's my question: Is it helicoptering for me to outright explain to my DD that she is doing herself a major disservice by sitting with these girls at lunch. My guess is that they all ignore her and that she's just making things worse by sitting there. I know (because I monitor her instagram and musically accounts) that these girls all hang out together a lot. A LOT. And my DD is never invited (again, not their responsibility to include her). I'm now imaging really awkward lunchtime situations where DD is sitting there, and the other girls are annoyed with her being there, but don't say anything. Because of her ADHD, she doesn't always recognize social signals the way other girls would, and that is the biggest issue. If she's not recognizing it for herself, should I and my DH step in and have what is sure to be a very sad and hard conversation? Or should we let her figure this one out on her own? I'm all for kids experiencing disappointment and learning hard lessons, but since she has her ADHD to contend with, I feel like it's not a fair fight, you know?

Any advice would be appreciated.  I'm the same OP who posted the "ADHD, Girls, and Maturity" thread last week, if it matters.  Thanks.

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