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[quote=Anonymous]We raised our kids with the general rule of their body, their choice unless the choice had a decent risk of being seriously damaging with long-term consequences.

I also think it's a problem to have gender-based double standards in most cases, so if I would allow something for one kid I would not deny the other permission based only or primarily on their gender.

I think you are correct and your son's mother is both wrong and picking a battle that's too small for her to waste her effort on.

Also, if a major reason she's refusing to grant permission is that she's worried he will be teased, I think that sends a terrible message. Our family's approach has always been to try to assess the pros and cons of a choice (potentially including any social repercussions) but to not let peer pressure sway anyone from doing what they have personally thought about and decided was right for them/what they wanted to do. Why should your son make a decision about his appearance based on what other people want/expect him to look like?* He's his own person, and the early teen years are in my opinion exactly when kids most need to be encouraged that it's okay to be themselves so that they can develop the confidence to be true to themselves in the future. If other kids tease him, they are the ones doing something wrong, not him for choosing a certain appearance as long as he likes it.

*Following any applicable dress code is rather different, because whoever has set the dress code has the authority to make those requirements. Additionally, if fulfilling certain requirements is necessary in order to get something you want (an education/a diploma/a job/etc.) or need (to follow laws regarding compulsory school attendance/the paycheck from a job/etc.) then sometimes you just have to suck it up and comply. That's also an important life lesson, and knowing how to balance "be true to yourself" versus "conform enough to not give yourself a bigger problem than you are prepared to take on" is something that everyone will need to learn at some point.[/quote]

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