Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think it's a problem to have gender-based double standards in most cases, so if I would allow something for one kid I would not deny the other permission based only or primarily on their gender.

Not to derail this thread, but just curious, do you extend that thinking to attire?

Yes. We always have, but especially for teens, who are certainly old enough in my opinion to decide what to wear. Along the same lines, I personally oppose the legal double standard of who is allowed to go topless in public.

Anonymous wrote:I also think it's a problem to have gender-based double standards in most cases, so if I would allow something for one kid I would not deny the other permission based only or primarily on their gender.

Not to derail this thread, but just curious, do you extend that thinking to attire?

Ear piercings are fine, just don't let him get one of those Prince Albert dick piercings, that sounds painful.

We raised our kids with the general rule of their body, their choice unless the choice had a decent risk of being seriously damaging with long-term consequences.

I also think it's a problem to have gender-based double standards in most cases, so if I would allow something for one kid I would not deny the other permission based only or primarily on their gender.

I think you are correct and your son's mother is both wrong and picking a battle that's too small for her to waste her effort on.

Also, if a major reason she's refusing to grant permission is that she's worried he will be teased, I think that sends a terrible message. Our family's approach has always been to try to assess the pros and cons of a choice (potentially including any social repercussions) but to not let peer pressure sway anyone from doing what they have personally thought about and decided was right for them/what they wanted to do. Why should your son make a decision about his appearance based on what other people want/expect him to look like?* He's his own person, and the early teen years are in my opinion exactly when kids most need to be encouraged that it's okay to be themselves so that they can develop the confidence to be true to themselves in the future. If other kids tease him, they are the ones doing something wrong, not him for choosing a certain appearance as long as he likes it.

*Following any applicable dress code is rather different, because whoever has set the dress code has the authority to make those requirements. Additionally, if fulfilling certain requirements is necessary in order to get something you want (an education/a diploma/a job/etc.) or need (to follow laws regarding compulsory school attendance/the paycheck from a job/etc.) then sometimes you just have to suck it up and comply. That's also an important life lesson, and knowing how to balance "be true to yourself" versus "conform enough to not give yourself a bigger problem than you are prepared to take on" is something that everyone will need to learn at some point.

Two things that might be off-point

1) If he plays sports, time it right because there is a period where he has to leave the studs in, and

2) I have middle school DDs but have held out on the ear piercing as something to look forward to when they are 18; a right of passage--in our family, at least. Or something to earn. I come from a little bit of the place where if they do everything now, there's nothing left to look forward to (nothing harmless, at least). But this may not work for your situation because you say your DD has it.

I wouldn't have a problem with piercings but make sure he doesn't do those stretchy rings in his ears--- you can never fix that.

I'm gay and in my late 30s. Been out for a long time. You should push his mother to let him do this. I so so wanted to when I was a teen but afraid of what my parents would think. Total straight edge law firm partner type now so that ship has sailed for me.

Yes. He'll probably do it himself if you don't.

His body, his option. It's not like he's tattooing swastikas on his neck. Your wife needs to chill -- and probably revisit how she feels about his being gay.

Boys have been getting their ears pierced for decades.

Anonymous wrote:If he's out as gay in middle school he's a really gutsy kid. I wouldn't worry about social fallout from a pierced ear.
"No piercing because you're a boy" is really stupid, but she is a parent who has a right to say no.

Except she didn't say no to our daughter so it bothers me. But it is an issue to respond love for sure.

If he's out as gay in middle school he's a really gutsy kid. I wouldn't worry about social fallout from a pierced ear.
"No piercing because you're a boy" is really stupid, but she is a parent who has a right to say no.

I would let him do it because I would let a girl do it too.
I would let my straight kid do it too, not a big deal.

He will be teased about being gay over a pericing. What are they going to do, call him gay?

My son wants to get his ear (maybe both) pierced. It seems to be more than a passing fancy. His mother is against it solely because he is a boy. Men in my family have ear piercings so I've always lived with it and don't see it as unusual or a girl thing. My son is in his last year of Middle School.

Thoughts? Am I missing anything - like will he be teased? He's out as gay and I don't think it's been a problem.