Reply to Giving Tree and Accepting Child with Autism may Never be Grateful

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP -- it is clear that you don't understand how deeply the lack of empathy is in some ASD kids. I'm the ASD mom who said that my kid wouldn't miss me if I die. I may be exaggerating ever so slightly... because I think he couldn't have meant it when he told me he wouldn't miss me when I die. He was 4 years old.

The lack of connection that happens for some ASD kids is shocking, sad and real. I'm glad it's not real for you. :/[/quote]

This really isn't a lack of empathy.  Behavior serves a purpose.  A child on the spectrum will say outrageous statements b/c it stems from their anxieties, their inability to exert control, and their attempt for attention.  Saying something shocking is meant to provoke a response.

OP, please stop comparing your kids.  Moms always get more of the brunt of ingratitude, but you're looking for a specific type of response that may or may evolve.  Continue to model appropriate behavior.  Prompt your child to model appropriate behavior, e.g., saying please and thank you.

You're conflating his negative reactions with ingratitude.  He's not being ungrateful.  He is being autistic when the world shatters b/c you forgot his spoon or napkin.  Read Unstuck and On Target and learn to coach him when situations don't go as "expected," to distinguish between a big or little deal, and to make a Plan B.

Also, I'm wondering if your DH will teach my NT DH to appreciate me--buy b-day cards or gifts spontaneously buy me flowers.  You know some people just aren't wired that way and they're not all on the spectrum.[/quote]

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