Advice on how to approach this

post reply Forum Index » Soccer
[Post New]03/23/2021 17:24
quote
itsover
Member Offline
Anonymous wrote:
Oh, and I forgot...size and ethnicity have zero to do with soccer. Even as a defender.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Djalma_Santos
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philipp_Lahm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franco_Baresi
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dani_Alves
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Carlos


OP here, thanks for the advice, it is all good and useful. I just wanted to clarify, though, I'm not saying that our ethnicity directly makes him less of a defender! It just likely affects his projected height, relative to most white Americans. If height doesn't matter, ethnicity has no effect.


FYI my son grew another 2 inches in college and is taller than mom, dad and grandparents. My daughter grew 8 inches in the last 3 years or so. Don't count him out just yet.
[Post New]03/23/2021 18:54
quote
Anonymous
Putting aside the height comments (which are irrelevant at U12), and the ethnicity comments which are irrelevant period, talk to the coach with your son. Tell him you’d like to see your son play a myriad of positions so that he develops and both he and the coach discover for him and his teammates what positions they like the most, and so that they all develop into well-rounded players. Especially in scrimmages, practices, and/or in games that are not close. We all understand coaches want to win, because parents want them to win and kids like to win. However, by not rotating the coach is doing kids a disservice. Imagine if kids were taught one class at school vs. a mix. See what he says. If it is clear the coach is more about winning and less about developing, then move teams next fall.
[Post New]04/08/2021 12:49
quote
Anonymous
Wanted to update on this. My son finally talked to the coach. He said he wants to train more people in the position to rotate them in, and since my son already knows it, he is doesn't need to be trained. I have no idea if that is true, but at least my son put the idea out there.
[Post New]04/08/2021 13:33
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Wanted to update on this. My son finally talked to the coach. He said he wants to train more people in the position to rotate them in, and since my son already knows it, he is doesn't need to be trained. I have no idea if that is true, but at least my son put the idea out there.


Great job on your son taking the step and initiative to talk to his coach. It shows the coach his interest in the position and going forward it will make your son approaching a coach with questions. Ideally he would still get some time there in the future if that's where he enjoys to play. It looks better that he did it instead of the parent. What was the coach's receptiveness to the your son approaching him?
[Post New]04/08/2021 14:12
quote
Anonymous
The coach’s response to you kid saying he prefers midfield and would like to play there at least occasionally was that the coach would rather cycle all the other players that don’t know how to play there? He got the “you’re overqualified for the job” excuse?

From one angle I get it - your team is losing a lot, so you put the kids you trust in the back and the middle of the field, hide the other players at outside mid or up top where they can’t hurt you as much. But for your sons long term development it is good to play in the midfield where the ball isn’t just in front of you. If he can play center back he should be able to play center/holding mid.
[Post New]04/08/2021 15:22
quote
Anonymous
Wanted to update on this. My son finally talked to the coach. He said he wants to train more people in the position to rotate them in, and since my son already knows it, he is doesn't need to be trained. I have no idea if that is true, but at least my son put the idea out there.


Great job on your son taking the step and initiative to talk to his coach. It shows the coach his interest in the position and going forward it will make your son approaching a coach with questions. Ideally he would still get some time there in the future if that's where he enjoys to play. It looks better that he did it instead of the parent. What was the coach's receptiveness to the your son approaching him?


He was polite. He weirdly kept repeating the same thing over and over, after my son had already said, "Oh ok," which kind of increased my son's anxiety, but he was fine overall.
[Post New]04/08/2021 22:32
quote
Anonymous
Having gone through this with both a boy and a girl. They both play high level soccer. My son has been a consistent defender since he was little. Honestly, he is not horribly skilled by comparison to some of his teammates but has become a strong defender. I will say, watching the team over several years the kids playing offense tend to be the most skilled. The ones that are less skilled either got moved back to defense or moved down to a lower team. In his case, I think he is lucky to have always been a defender as he has grown into this position, does not need to learn to play it and has a position to play moving forward. My daughter has been on offense for all of her playing. I observed the same thing with kids moving either back and picking up defense or down to the second team. She rotates through 5 positions. All offense. Wings, striker on occasion, and center mid positions depending on formation. She is very skilled and at the top of the team. In general I will say the most talented kids tend to stay on offense. There are absolutely some natural defenders but, for the most part, at the high level, the defenders are former offensive players good enough to stay on the team but not good enough to stay on offense skill wise. Again, I am not disparaging any defender; there are some kids who naturally gravitate toward defense but most are former offense players who got moved back. This is also at the highest level of youth soccer (well girl; boy is not academy but just below). It may be different in different circumstances. I will say U11 is a little young to play one position but that is when this stuff starts.
[Post New]04/10/2021 09:39
quote
Anonymous
OP here - just wanted to add one happy update. After my son talked to him, the coach played him in the position he wanted in last night's scrimmage. Even if he doesn't play him there in games, I am really happy that my son spoke up and was able to get some of what he wanted.
[Post New]04/10/2021 09:57
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:These coaches don't know what they’re doing. They are not professional coaches in Europe as much as they would like to be. These are not professional clubs. They do not have the training, experience, or backing to eyeball anything. Most want to believe they have that skill, but they don’t. You can’t tell anything at the younger ages. If the best and highest paid in the sport can’t tell, what makes you think some random person here can? Or their parent!

If you do any cursory research on player development practices, you will see it is just not here for the most part. Some clubs really try, but you can tell. The training required for coaching in other counties is just too much work for most US coaches. They wouldn’t be allowed to step foot near any of their players, even at U9 non-academy.

Here’s a hint - emotional and psychological wellbeing is part of player development.

A player should not be forced to do a JOB they hate without knowing the plan. Even for everyone else’s benefit. While you are paying for it. That's insane! The player’s opinions matter for THEIR game. They are not PROs and will not get the training/knowledge here to become one anyway.

If you were at one of those player development clubs, this would be a non-issue. Unfortunately, we are in the US; coaching is woefully inadequate and the system is pay-to-play. Most of these clubs are rent-a-shirt factories with “good coaches” abound. A young player should not FEAR their coach! That’s a flag!

This is a recreational activity on steroids, that’s it.

Now, if the coach actually has a plan of some sort, and the players are being rotated, that would the best you can get around here outside of a player development club. If the rotation is planned and adhered to as part of the session/season (not 5+ minutes here or there randomly), and the coach gives detailed instruction and time to grow. You are in an Ok place. Again, trained coaches know positive communication at younger ages is vital in player development. Especially during the game. The coach’s integrity, honesty, and planning are crucial.

You can tell a player development club by watching a few different age groups and the levels within an age group. If the teams, for the most part, up or down, look to be trying to do the same things, they are a development club. If they rotate at the younger ages, they are hedging their bets and operating with a bit of humility. They are putting in effort as best they can and it is most likely expensive. Never perfect.

If a rotation is happening now with no plan, the coach has poor communication skills, and the kid hates it……

There are choices:
1. Find a club where your kid enjoys playing and plays a position they like. Up or down a level doesn’t matter. They are not going pro. Let them have fun. You are paying for this, don’t pay for misery.
2. Get private training in the area the kid wants to play. Improve confidence. Hopefully, down the line, change the coach's mind (less likely).
3. Get nose deep in the genitals of the coach. They don’t know what they’re doing anyway if you find yourself in this situation.
4. Stick it out, let your kid’s ambitions die (inevitable) or not (passion). Find other interests and become more well-rounded. Use this as a teaching moment for resiliency. Don’t let the coach go overboard.


I don’t think you should talk to the coach directly about it; egos generally too large for reason. The best answer you may get is to "help the team." These coaches don’t have the time, training, or concern for development. Don’t talk to other parents on the team. You can see from posts on this forum how much they actually care about player development. Most of these parents don’t care about their own kid’s development but are willing to dish out tens of thousands on it. They really want score line results and bragging rights. They are in make-believe land watching little PROs play. Check this forum (change my mind). Who can blame them? You get the kits and the badges and the merch and the car magnets. Oh, they love the magnets.

Remember, they are NOT professional players, they are KIDS!


You are my kind of people.

I agree whole-heartedly.

And my dad was a travel coach trained by his Dutch friends in the 70s and this is basically what they told us.

It’s amazing the difference in what European coaches saw in my kids vs American. They also were big on how each player is motivated differently and they coached the individual accordingly. They knew my one son was his own harshest critic and used a positive motivation—-the other could take very direct criticism.
[Post New]04/10/2021 23:54
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.


I have always told my son to be your own advocate. He has played every position on the field since U9 and in U14 now plays CDM always. Sometimes, if we really need a goal they will move him up to the 9 or 10 spot, because he has ball skills and big foot, but he isn't a slicer and dicer. He's very direct and a good passer and that's OK. Your coach knows what your son is good at and is trying to develop him in that area. U13 the field gets big and you need kids comfortable playing a certain area. Not saying they still can't play other positions, but look at how well they play what position they are in, not where they wish they were.
[Post New]04/11/2021 13:24
quote
Anonymous
My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.


I have always told my son to be your own advocate. He has played every position on the field since U9 and in U14 now plays CDM always. Sometimes, if we really need a goal they will move him up to the 9 or 10 spot, because he has ball skills and big foot, but he isn't a slicer and dicer. He's very direct and a good passer and that's OK.


How is this information about your son supposed to be helpful to the OP?
[Post New]04/11/2021 13:37
quote
Anonymous
People like to humble brag and navel gaze on this board—it’s 80% of posts when someone is asking about help or advice.
[Post New]04/11/2021 22:05
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.


I have always told my son to be your own advocate. He has played every position on the field since U9 and in U14 now plays CDM always. Sometimes, if we really need a goal they will move him up to the 9 or 10 spot, because he has ball skills and big foot, but he isn't a slicer and dicer. He's very direct and a good passer and that's OK.


How is this information about your son supposed to be helpful to the OP?


Because it's about embracing the moment instead of wishing you were somewhere else. If you love the game then you will do your best to contribute no matter the position. A good coach will put a good player in a position where they can most help the team.
[Post New]04/12/2021 11:13
quote
Anonymous
My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.


I have always told my son to be your own advocate. He has played every position on the field since U9 and in U14 now plays CDM always. Sometimes, if we really need a goal they will move him up to the 9 or 10 spot, because he has ball skills and big foot, but he isn't a slicer and dicer. He's very direct and a good passer and that's OK.


How is this information about your son supposed to be helpful to the OP?


Because it's about embracing the moment instead of wishing you were somewhere else. If you love the game then you will do your best to contribute no matter the position. A good coach will put a good player in a position where they can most help the team.


While I agree with the sentiment you convey, that didn't come across in the post from the other person. And the coach of OP's son didn't say he was better in a different position. So either: 1) that is not the case. or 2) he is not a good coach because he is not being forthright with OP's son.
post reply Forum Index » Soccer
Message Quick Reply
Go to: 

Search   Recent Topics   Hottest Topics