Advice on how to approach this

[Anonymous]

My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.

[Anonymous]

We had the same issue as well. Recommend asking to meet with the coach to understand what he's trying to accomplish and let him know that you would prefer that he get an opportunity to play different positions to develop. You are the one paying and should be able to address your concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.

If there's a question to be asked it should be asked. It's okay to ask the question on behalf of an 11 year-old. If the coach gives you the "have him talk to me", demand an answer because it's your kid. Encourage your son to ask, but also ensure YOU get the answer because you're raising your son and soccer is jus ta small part, including worldview/your philosophies, etc.

[Anonymous]

We had the same issue as well. Recommend asking to meet with the coach to understand what he's trying to accomplish and let him know that you would prefer that he get an opportunity to play different positions to develop. You are the one paying and should be able to address your concerns.

Thanks, I appreciate it. My son's thought in asking about the former position is that he would want to know if he was doing something wrong, which is ok on the one hand, but on the other hand, I think we should keep the focus on rotating, rather than just that position, so that he can develop.

[Anonymous]

My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.


If there's a question to be asked it should be asked. It's okay to ask the question on behalf of an 11 year-old. If the coach gives you the "have him talk to me", demand an answer because it's your kid. Encourage your son to ask, but also ensure YOU get the answer because you're raising your son and soccer is jus ta small part, including worldview/your philosophies, etc.

That makes sense. My thought was that my son and I could do it together. The coach is sort of an intense guy and it would be too hard for my son to do it alone, but I want him to take some responsibility for this as well.

[Anonymous]

Position matters, by the sequence of the importance at U12, you know if in coach's view your son is improved or not.

1: Mid field 6/9
2: Center back
3: wings left/right, defender left/right
4: striker

The keeper is not in discussion.

[Anonymous]

Position matters, by the sequence of the importance at U12, you know if in coach's view your son is improved or not.

1: Mid field 6/9
2: Center back
3: wings left/right, defender left/right
4: striker

The keeper is not in discussion.

I'm sorry, I don't understand. Would you be willing to explain again? Do you mean that if he moves from one of these to another, it shows improvment or lack of? He is definitely not a striker and has no desire to be one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.


If there's a question to be asked it should be asked. It's okay to ask the question on behalf of an 11 year-old. If the coach gives you the "have him talk to me", demand an answer because it's your kid. Encourage your son to ask, but also ensure YOU get the answer because you're raising your son and soccer is jus ta small part, including worldview/your philosophies, etc.

That makes sense. My thought was that my son and I could do it together. The coach is sort of an intense guy and it would be too hard for my son to do it alone, but I want him to take some responsibility for this as well.

A coach has to be approachable and accountable to the team when the request is reasonable. You are paying good money and you deserve an answer to this very reasonable question . However, some of what you said ( it may have been someone else, but I think it was OP ) goes beyond reasonable. The better question is NOT why the coach isn't rotating people. Keep it specific to your issue and get your answer. Don't extend what you are saying to make it a criticism of his coaching overall.

[Anonymous]

A coach has to be approachable and accountable to the team when the request is reasonable. You are paying good money and you deserve an answer to this very reasonable question . However, some of what you said ( it may have been someone else, but I think it was OP ) goes beyond reasonable. The better question is NOT why the coach isn't rotating people. Keep it specific to your issue and get your answer. Don't extend what you are saying to make it a criticism of his coaching overall.

Good thought, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Position matters, by the sequence of the importance at U12, you know if in coach's view your son is improved or not.

1: Mid field 6/9
2: Center back
3: wings left/right, defender left/right
4: striker

The keeper is not in discussion.

Stop. At u12, a kid should be playing multiple positions and rotating throughout the season. A soccer player who is position specific at 11 years old is not going to develop. You should talk to the coach and see if he/she has a plan to rotate the players. Many coaches will talk development but really want to see wins - this should not be a factor/influence until u15. If a coach consistently puts(hides) less developed kids in the wide positions, the coach’s focus is winning.

[Anonymous]

As an initial approach, I would suggest that your son tell his coach that he misses his old position and ask if he can rotate between that position and his current one. It's a more positive and constructive approach that shows interest and engagement, and the willingness to keep playing his current role as well should minimize any perceived criticism of the coaching decision or implicit entitlement to the position of his choosing. If the coach says no without explanation (or says yes but never actually does it), then I think it would be appropriate for you to follow up with the coach about it.

[Anonymous]

As an initial approach, I would suggest that your son tell his coach that he misses his old position and ask if he can rotate between that position and his current one. It's a more positive and constructive approach that shows interest and engagement, and the willingness to keep playing his current role as well should minimize any perceived criticism of the coaching decision or implicit entitlement to the position of his choosing. If the coach says no without explanation (or says yes but never actually does it), then I think it would be appropriate for you to follow up with the coach about it.

This is a good thought too. However, I really don't think my son can even ask this without me there with him. He is scared of the coach. Honestly, I think the coach truly cares about my son and is not a bad guy at core, but he yells at the team a lot and has said some things to the team as a whole (not my son individually) that I felt were tnappropriate, given their age (e.g., that they played like s**t).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is on a U12 team and mostly played one position, which he liked, last season. The team did not have a successful season for multiple reasons, but I honestly think my son did a good job the position. He worked really hard (working out outside of practice, going running). So far, this season, the coach has played him in a different position, which he does not enjoy. I'm not sure what happened, but my son is pretty frustrated. He wants to ask the coach why he isn't in his former position. I think that a better question would be to ask why the coach isn't rotating people some within each season so that they can develop. My wife thinks we should not ask or say anything.

Looking for thoughts on the best way to approach.

To be objective just because you think you child did a good job the coach may have not seen it the same way. As a parent you have subliminal bias for your child. You naturally want to see your child be successful as well as happy. Whatever short comings your child has are minimized by you as other kids are exaggerated in your mind. If the team was underperforming last season. I think the coach realized it and is trying to make adjustments to find success. I would tell your son to ask the coach why he is being moved and to let him know he feels more comfortable at a certain position. But understand the coach is the coach and its up to him to decide the line up. Maybe the new player is better at the position than your child. All options are on the table. would you be happy if the changes bring about a winning season? Since the coach recognized changes needed to be made and he made some should say enough to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

I don't see an issue asking the coach at all, but make sure you approach more in a "I am trying to understand so we can improve" vs a "why isn't he playing position X?"

What is the position in question? I'll say as kids get older they should still be rotating positions to a certain degree to aid in development, however, certain kids will be somewhat limited to certain positions over time. For example, if your son played and liked striker, but there are now 3-4 kids that are bigger, stronger, faster, better finishers, the coach will be inclined to rotate those 3-4 kid through that position vs all players on the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As an initial approach, I would suggest that your son tell his coach that he misses his old position and ask if he can rotate between that position and his current one. It's a more positive and constructive approach that shows interest and engagement, and the willingness to keep playing his current role as well should minimize any perceived criticism of the coaching decision or implicit entitlement to the position of his choosing. If the coach says no without explanation (or says yes but never actually does it), then I think it would be appropriate for you to follow up with the coach about it.

This is a good thought too. However, I really don't think my son can even ask this without me there with him. He is scared of the coach. Honestly, I think the coach truly cares about my son and is not a bad guy at core, but he yells at the team a lot and has said some things to the team as a whole (not my son individually) that I felt were tnappropriate, given their age (e.g., that they played like s**t).

I think it's okay for you to be there with your while he asks for support, but you should encourage your son to do the asking. Perhaps roleplay it with him in advance so he can get comfortable with how to respond to different answers he might get from the coach.