Anonymous wrote:I recently read something that struck me at the time and stayed with me, and I'm curious for others' take on it. Essentially, it was pointing out that while we consider it totally acceptable and nonjudgmental to say "oh Larla isn't terribly athletic" or "Larlo isn't a very musical kid," it comes off as incredibly unkind to say that a child -- yours or someone else's -- isn't very smart. And yet of course there are a lot of people in the world who aren't very smart, and they're not less valuable as human beings than smart people.

Do you think it's a good goal, as parents or just as fellow people, to unlearn our notion that intelligence somehow equates to worth? How would you approach it?

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever met someone who doesn’t think they’re smart? I never have.

Anonymous wrote:I think in general, a solid parenting approach would be praising hard work, and acknowledging the existence of different types of intelligence without valuing one over the other.

Anonymous wrote:I recently read something that struck me at the time and stayed with me, and I'm curious for others' take on it. Essentially, it was pointing out that while we consider it totally acceptable and nonjudgmental to say "oh Larla isn't terribly athletic" or "Larlo isn't a very musical kid," it comes off as incredibly unkind to say that a child -- yours or someone else's -- isn't very smart. And yet of course there are a lot of people in the world who aren't very smart, and they're not less valuable as human beings than smart people.

Do you think it's a good goal, as parents or just as fellow people, to unlearn our notion that intelligence somehow equates to worth? How would you approach it?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should label kids that like that anyway. What's the point of telling a child they aren't athletic or aren't musical?

Also, there are lots of different types of intelligence. I think it's okay to say your child "Isn't really into math right now" or something, but just blanket saying "They're not intelligent" probably isn't correct.

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to look into growth mindset. To me the issue with saying some IS/IS NOT smart, athletic, or whatever, is it locks them into that and there's nothing they can do to change it. Even if it's true to some extent, it's not helpful for life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to look into growth mindset. To me the issue with saying some IS/IS NOT smart, athletic, or whatever, is it locks them into that and there's nothing they can do to change it. Even if it's true to some extent, it's not helpful for life.

I didn't see the post above mine before I posted, but those examples are basically what I'm talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should label kids that like that anyway. What's the point of telling a child they aren't athletic or aren't musical?

Also, there are lots of different types of intelligence. I think it's okay to say your child "Isn't really into math right now" or something, but just blanket saying "They're not intelligent" probably isn't correct.

Everyone has skills that come naturally and others that require more work. One of my sons is a natural athletes who is able to become proficient in whatever sport he tries rather quickly. It's not that he's faster, or stronger, because he's not, but for whatever reason, he can manage the basics of any sport he tries. However, his mental attitude isn't the best, so his natural athleticism only takes him so far before he is surpassed by less athletic kids who are hard workers.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with recognizing individual strengths and weaknesses, although these should not be stressed at a young age. My other not naturally athletic son who is really slow has become a competent soccer player by figuring out how to use his understanding of the game, which includes recognizing his lack of speed, and his technical skill to be effective on the field. Obviously he's not going to play at a high level, but that won't stop him from playing despite not being a natural athlete.

Hard work, passion, commitment can overcome lack of natural ability in many cases. Lack of significant interest and lack of natural talent should not stop anyone from doing something they love, but sometimes as parents, it's better to manage expectations to steer your kids into the right environment where they will succeed and be happy.