Friend considering returning to a cheating husband

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[Post New]02/15/2021 20:08
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Anonymous
My friend has three young kids and her spouse has cheated on her routinely. She finally got up the nerve to leave him but just sent a group text to our college friends that they're giving it another try.
We have counseled her for maybe five years about what to do about this jackass. Finally it seemed like it was over. She insists he's sorry and he's changed. She had even signed a lease on a new condo and was about to move.

I do not know how to respond to her text. Ideas from those who have watched this crap unfold?
[Post New]02/15/2021 20:22
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Anonymous
Just wish her the best, try to support her and don’t judge her. She’s trying to do the best she can. If her DH can get his act together, it would be better if they can repair their relationship so don’t write it off completely.
[Post New]02/15/2021 20:40
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Anonymous
Just respond with “Good luck. I hope it works out.”

Then take a break from this friend. It’s okay to recognize when you need some space from a friend. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re always the one giving. At some point she’s got to figure this out for herself. Doesn’t mean you have to be standing there watching it.
[Post New]02/15/2021 20:41
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Anonymous

She's a grown woman, OP. She can deal. Just wish her the best and don't judge or insist, unless she or the children are in danger.

[Post New]02/15/2021 20:56
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My friend has three young kids and her spouse has cheated on her routinely. She finally got up the nerve to leave him but just sent a group text to our college friends that they're giving it another try.
We have counseled her for maybe five years about what to do about this jackass. Finally it seemed like it was over. She insists he's sorry and he's changed. She had even signed a lease on a new condo and was about to move.

I do not know how to respond to her text. Ideas from those who have watched this crap unfold?


Like others, just wish her the best.

When I was in my twenties a gf said something along the lines of... sometimes it isn’t about whether or not we realize someone is a jerk that makes us ready to leave, it’s about how many times we need to realize it. She was counseling me on a bf I wanted to get back together with. Anyway, she was right and I needed one more time.
[Post New]02/15/2021 22:07
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Anonymous
I like "good luck!"

I usually say something like, "I support you no matter what."

Then I feel like I have to... I support them no matter what, and that gets old at times (only a few situations I can think of, but ones in which friends are making clearly disasterous choices, usually with men, and you can see it coming and ten they are so devastated - understandably - when it turns out the way knew it would).

[Post New]02/15/2021 22:40
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jsmith123
Member Offline
It's really hard to watch someone you care about go through this. If you've already said your piece (and it sounds like you have ad nauseum), the best thing you can do for her is just support her.

Regarding the group text though, I would consider just not replying. Silence might be a more effective response at this point.
[Post New]02/16/2021 04:38
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Anonymous
The best strategy here is to do nothing. Any advice will only be an excuse to say that it is you who are to blame. Proven on my own experience. People do not change. More precisely, adults rarely change. Does she want to stay again? Damn it! Give her a link to something like the ebony flirt review. Maybe she, too, will find entertainment for herself and then the balance in the pair will be restored.
[Post New]02/16/2021 04:49
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Anonymous
I'd say 'Best of luck'. Then I'd ignore any hints or references she makes to her husband cheating on her in the future. Five years is enough of my time.
[Post New]02/16/2021 17:17
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Anonymous
Just support her, don’t provide opinions, in due time she may realize she doesn’t want to live with a cheater. It’s hard to leave something you’re so use to. BTDT
[Post New]02/16/2021 17:35
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Anonymous
Wish her luck and refuse to participate in any more conversations about her husband.
[Post New]02/16/2021 18:32
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
She's a grown woman, OP. She can deal. Just wish her the best and don't judge or insist, unless she or the children are in danger.

+1
[Post New]02/16/2021 19:01
quote
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
She's a grown woman, OP. She can deal. Just wish her the best and don't judge or insist, unless she or the children are in danger.

+1


So this. I have learned with so many things. Detach so it doesn't hurt you. Let her know you are there for her. If someone is in physical danger I can tell you where to call, but otherwise nothing you can do. Some people have to make the same mistake 12 times before they learn.
[Post New]02/17/2021 00:18
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Anonymous
Just try to keep loving her. If he were 100% vile, she wouldn’t keep going back. He may just be an expert amnipulatorbwho plays into her every needy part, and those people are really, really hard to leave. He likely does show her love in many ways...if he were nothing but a monster, it would be easy to leave (except in the cases of violence and threats, of course).

Please remember she is really doing the best she can. Please love her anyway.
[Post New]02/17/2021 00:25
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Anonymous
Don't say "good luck!" because that can be read and received as bitterness or sarcasm.

Instead say, "Larla, I know you've given this a lot of thought and none of this is easy. Just know that I wish you the best." Or, if you want to keep it short and sweet, then: "I wish you the best, Larla."
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